Disturbing - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-11-15 05:27 PM

I haven't written for a couple of weeks and revised this a couple of times. Well read on....

laugh,
       because you are hauntingly beautiful
imperfected in all your features
      your smile is senescent
looking past the eyes of of a tiger
      only to find the pencil shavings of a thought
you always [ seem ] to break the mold
       their core

you know,
        you are hauntingly beautiful
wispy, heat bound hair, frames, a brail eye
    one touch,
                 and your coal black skin turns to a late summer snow
                            all this hidden,
behind piercingly dull gray eyes that kill

cry,
        because you are hauntingly beautiful
     a droplet holds a thousand lies
the mirror cannot bring seven years, but
     life time of pain
with a mere touch of fevered sweat
      your life cracks into a million pieces

should we move water,
        because you are hauntingly beautiful
familiar ghostly paste upon the stains
      your scream gives a new meaning to fright
and it all seems hopeless

you laugh,
        because you are hauntingly beautiful
and life is always there to guide you



~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

[This message has been edited by Riley (11-17-2002 10:20 PM).]

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2002-11-15 11:44 PM

whew!! this ROCKS! How completely cool....I am keeping this one

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

2 posted 2002-11-16 10:07 AM

Thanks a lot.......I wrote this at school and revised it a million times before I posted it. Anyways...thanks again.

Riley

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

3 posted 2002-11-16 05:13 PM

Verrrrry nice! I like Hauntingly Beautiful people! 'Tis very atmospheric, my friend.
Ellie

High above the mucky-muck, castle made of clouds; there sits Wonderboy, sitting oh so proudly....

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

4 posted 2002-11-16 05:48 PM

Oh my! I love it. Dashingly gorgeous deary..hehe...(inside joke) nevermind *LoL*
Very good job with this one. I have written a lot at school, it just seems to come when I'm there.

Laura

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

5 posted 2002-11-17 12:06 PM

i advise you to keep working on this poem.

Wind

Member Elite

since 2002-10-12

Posts 2981

6 posted 2002-11-17 04:55 PM

shut up boy and his spirit, it was awsome, and needs very little improvement. I don't know who he thinks he is!! Trust me, when I get enough posts t be a moderator, I'm going to complain about his rude and abnoxious posts!

"Sticks and stones will break my bones,
But words will break my heart"

Peach
Junior Member

since 2002-11-17

Posts 33

7 posted 2002-11-17 05:01 PM

Wow! This is great, I hope you showed this to whoever you wrote it about, if not, you definitely need to.

If don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

[This message has been edited by Peach (11-17-2002 05:03 PM).]

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

8 posted 2002-11-18 12:00 PM

Power to you, Wind!
sorry I can't say what I think.

Acies

Moderator

Member Rara Avis

since 2000-06-07

Posts 7665
Twilight Zone

9 posted 2002-11-18 10:40 AM

I personally loved this poem

là où est mon amour?
donde está mi amour?
wo ist meine Liebe?
Nelly Furtado é a menina a mais bonita no mundo largo do todo.

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

10 posted 2002-11-21 12:52 PM

Riley~
I'm really liking this.
Extremely well written, my friend.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

11 posted 2002-11-21 08:38 PM

i like this one.

What You Can't Have- You Can't Resist

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

12 posted 2002-11-21 09:33 PM

"imperfected in all your features "

i really liked that line. this was so beautiful, the description was captivating. keep on writing

regina

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

13 posted 2002-11-21 09:50 PM

Awesome!!! What great enthusiasm and feeling in this piece!! I loved it...absolutely awesome

Standing on the edge of the world
Now I don’t want you to catch me
I want you to let me
Stand up here and walk on my own

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

14 posted 2002-11-22 05:52 AM

riley, you have absolutely outdone yourself on this one. its by far the best ive ever read from you. great, great insights you have here. you didn't overdo your repeated subject lines, which i find alot of folks tend to do (myself included). my fav stanza was the one with 'cry' in it. i -loved- the whole breaking-the-mirror-brings-seven-years-bad-luck thing subject you used. oO; great imagery and word usage in this! this is in my library dear. keep posting.

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.