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Teen Poetry #6

makeing my life worse

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

0 posted 2002-11-14 05:52 PM

i just can't do this
the end came and past
"i can't make sense of life
because it's moveing to fast?"

i have nothing to give the wourld
so please just let me be
and i have nothing to take from you
execpt for the thought of me

it's not that far
i know you can wate
just know when it happens
i won't hesate

to take over whats yours
steal whats true
don't say you didn't see
it's right in frount of you

i'm not a good person
i cheat, i setal, i lie
i get grate plesure
in just seeing you cry

you speek of change
like it can be done
you said you can
make my life fun

how can you take misery
the one i find comfort in
and make me everything that i hate
and tell me i can be without sin

how can you promase the wourld
and say that your blessed
when you can't find it
you just asking to be stressed

thet is nothing for a future
that has always been my curse
so please stop talking of good things
because your making my life worse

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

1 posted 2002-11-16 10:20 AM

I am not totally sure if I like the whole rhyming thing. It sounded a tiny bit forced. And the use and then lack of puntuation. In the first stanza you used it and then the lack of punctuation in the rest. But the content of the poem was pretty good. The whole message. Well anyways good job.

Riley

~*I found how to laugh, forgot how to smile, somehow your words, make it all worthwhile*~

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

2 posted 2002-11-16 06:06 PM

Well, I liked this but you do need punctuation for it to work for ME and there are some spelling errors that threw me off as well. Overall, good job though.

Laura

"I have seen what a laugh can do. It can transform almost unbearable tears into something bearable, even hopeful."
-Bob Hope-

boy and his spirit
Junior Member

since 2002-08-26

Posts 41
within my heart

3 posted 2002-11-17 12:24 PM

your first line is correct:
YOU JUST CANT DO THIS!
just kidding! i like it alot!!!!!
hahahaaha, have a nice day!!!

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