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Hallucination
Member

since 2001-03-18

Posts 419

0 posted 2002-09-20 06:16 PM

"A Lovers Song"
(09/20/02)
© 2002 Brian Eggertsen, All Rights Reserved

(A)
Love since you came into my life
I've gone from boy to man,
I have been building my castle
With bricks instead of sand.
And wherever we've gone the sun's
Shined from the darkest skies,
Walking on the edge with you the
Thinest line seem miles wide.

(A)
Love you took the "Angel express"
Into this heart of mine,
Feel like I've been walking down hill
These last couple of times.
Seems like the ball's just begun and
We're dancing the first dance,
You had me right away, never
Needed another chance.

(B)
I wrote this song to explain just how I feel love.
I'm done with the masqurade, this is my true face.
And you are my loving source 'cause you brought it forth.
Love you cleaned my sadness box, can't thank you enough,
I wrote this song to explain just how I feel love.

(A)
Lonely and empty are words I
Don't know the meaning of,
Least not since you pushed it aside
And filled that space with love.
Now my ship's docking every night
I've never felt so good,
Try and understand me right love
I never thought I could..

(B)
I wrote this song to explain just how I feel love.
I'm done with the masqurade, this is my true face.
And you are my loving source 'cause you brought it forth.
Love you cleaned my sadness box, can't thank you enough,
I wrote this song to explain just how I feel love.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

1 posted 2002-09-20 09:17 PM

Hey! This is really, really, really sweet and it has a really nice flow to it, makes it feel...whole...if you like. I've never been good at explaining myself.
But seriously, this is really good.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-09-21 11:27 AM

Nice critique flag. It looks good on ya.

I agree that this song is a structural triumph. The flow of it is extremely nice, and I'm certain that it would sound even better if sung. But there are people in the next room, so...

Of your songs I've read, I like this one best so far. The title is kind of dull, you might want to work on that a bit. Otherwise, well done.

By the way - do you put any of these songs to creative use? I'm just wondering.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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