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Teen Poetry #6

Innate Sense

anya
Member

since 2002-07-27

Posts 393
London, UK

0 posted 2002-09-20 05:39 PM

Inexplicable urges and feelings drive me,
they cannot be explained, they just seem to be.
And I know by some innate sense,
inbeded far down in me,
that I can call this 'right'.
There is deeper knowledge flowing here,
some subconscious judgement has decided upon you,
for reasons I cannot wholly fathom.
But my instinctive and unreflecting hands will not be stopped from pulling you towards me with all my might.
Rational thought, I have left it behind,
but who wants the ties and shackles of logic,
when I can be swept away by this primal compulsion,
and become bound and twisted up in this enigma with you

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

1 posted 2002-09-20 05:47 PM

This feeling is very hard for me to keep in control. I just love the words and images of poetry.

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

2 posted 2002-09-20 10:36 PM

Wow, this is really amazing. It had a really vivid emotional quality to it, yet it wasn't loaded with exagerations or hyperbole.
Well done. Extremely well done.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-09-21 11:39 AM

This is nicely written. I like the adjectives you employ, such as "instinctive and unreflecting hands." It gave a good, non-visual alteration to the content of the poem.

Your closing is also quite good. I think "with you" is a bit predictable, but I understand if you'd rather not reword the last line.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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