Through Flower Covered Gates

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LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

0 posted 2003-06-09 08:57 PM

*Please let me know what you think of this poem.This is one of my favorite pieces of work...and it took a while... I would appreciate it alot if you told me what you thought..or if you had any suggestions. Thanks*

The blades of grass were still wet with dew,
and the sun had'nt opened her eyes completely.
But yet at the entrance of flower covered gates,
He was still there to meet me.

Through the fields, hand-in-hand,
we walked gently through the brush.
We took our time as he explained to me,
I shouldn't be in a rush.

He said the words "Don't be afraid,
for life is nothing to waste".
And for the first time I realized that,
as the sun glissened upon his face.

He opened the gates to his house,
and told me to take a step through the trees,
For with his comforting voice he said
He needed a word with me.....

He told me that he knew what I was thinking,
and everything that I have done.
He even said he knew what I was going to attempt,
before I had even begun.

He said "Child listen to me,
for you shouldn't think like that,
because you're much to important to take your life,
and never get it back"

Things won't always go my way,
and now I understand
I'm really glad that I got a chance,
to meet that wonderful man

snoduck
Member

since 2002-11-15

Posts 99
Selah, WA

1 posted 2003-06-09 11:33 PM

I'm amazed at this piece of work. And it definitly is worth being your favorite. The rhyme scheme, and the whole thought process was incredible. I personally interpreted this poem as you finding God. Which (if i might add) is a very wonderful thing. This poem is well worth the time you spent on it. thanks for sharing this.

-Erica-

wvplayernotreally
Member

since 2002-11-06

Posts 215
yakima wa

2 posted 2003-06-10 01:49 AM

amazing. The rhyming wasen't forced like in many poems. I enjoyed it alot especially the last stanza. Write more like this!

" I think I got a tan from the light in which i was basking."

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

3 posted 2003-06-10 03:37 AM

Echoing the other responses: awesome piece of work! One thing, check a typo: glissened should be glistened

Great writing

Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

4 posted 2003-06-10 11:12 AM

This was amazing. I was hooked from the first line to the last. It definitely has the right to be your favorite.
luv, Jenni

Oh yeah and it's going in my library.

If you listen hard enough silence can mean more than words.

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

5 posted 2003-06-10 04:31 PM

hey you guys. thanks for all the replies. ESP, thanks for catching my spelling error...I accedently thanked you on my other poem...hahaha, but it was this one. sorry.. thanks again everyone. I'll be lookin for yalls poems so I can tell ya what I think!!

-Secret

LegalSecret69
Member

since 2003-06-04

Posts 69
Virginia

6 posted 2003-06-10 04:34 PM

And yes, I caught that error, ESP, it's "accidentally"....haha jezz, me and my spelling skills....I need to start paying more attention...i get so confused sometimes.. hahaha bye -Secret

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