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quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

0 posted 2002-11-05 07:58 PM

I love when
no one knows me -
Walking through the chaos
numb.
[There are a thousand ways
to sidestep
me].

Masquerade
empty
autumn.
Through the ball
room we’re dancing.

Now the fall is gone.

Aching ears
have played too strong,
cellists hum
to silent hymns.
And dancers leap
as chinadolls cry.

[There are a thousand ways
to sidestep
me].

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-05-2002 09:00 PM).]

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

1 posted 2002-11-05 08:02 PM

i forgot two quick things.

1] this poem was inspired by a song i heard a while back. and one of the main lines was 'there's a thousand ways to side step me'.

this is not plagirism, just merely the use of one line from a song, after being tweaked to be grammatically correct.

AND...

2] you may not be seeing much of me around here in the next little while. it's a long story, but things aren't going very well at all and i need to focus my energies on staying out of the hospital and trying to get better. i won't be gone completely, just not posting much in the near future.

best of luck to all.

until we meet again...

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

[This message has been edited by quietlydying (11-05-2002 08:02 PM).]

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

2 posted 2002-11-05 08:49 PM

Chin up, kid. I like the repetition, especially the way you didnt use it as being the first and last thing you said. *grrr* hate when people do that.

quote:
And dancers leap
as chinadolls cry.

Haunting...I can imagine that happening.

Come back quickly alrighty? If not, I'll see you msn

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

3 posted 2002-11-05 09:02 PM

hey,
this was pretty good, i liked it
~sam~

!respect the alphabet!

Poet deVine

Administrator

Member Seraphic

since 1999-05-26

Posts 22612
Hurricane Alley

4 posted 2002-11-05 09:29 PM

It's beautiful - you didn't plagarize anything and what you've done with it is very good.

Take care of yourself. We'll be praying for you and the door here stays open. The light is always on and our arms are always open to welcome you home.

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

5 posted 2002-11-05 10:03 PM

hey i liked this it was go0d and dont stay away too long !!!

"I am who I am who I am who am I?"

anonymousfemale
Member Elite

since 2000-02-02

Posts 2797
Limbo

6 posted 2002-11-06 02:20 AM

*thinks*

Ok, I did like this but it's got me thinking things that really shouldn't be thought. It's good to see you've got the brackets up there again, I love it when you add them.

quote:
I love when
no one knows me -
Walking through the chaos
numb.

That bit stuck out the most...you take care of yourself, ok?

Me.

Consider yourself added to the hitlist.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

7 posted 2002-11-06 12:32 PM

Playing music while you write poetry is bad news... so is modelling after a song.

Try to keep away from that...

Otherwise, liked the poem. Was disappointed to find out that the line was something from a song because I really like what it did to wrap everything up at the end... ah well.

Still enjoyed the piece very much.

Parasite

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

8 posted 2002-11-06 01:04 PM

I loved it. We will miss u Jen.
*Allison*

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

9 posted 2002-11-06 03:54 PM

Very nice write. And definitely try to stay away from that haunting, smelly building!=-P
Best of luck to you, be seein ya around.

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

10 posted 2002-11-07 06:29 PM

brian, i never modelled it after a song.

the word inspiration came to be for a reason.

let's just say i was 'inspired'.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

11 posted 2002-11-11 03:55 PM

Jen~
I REALLY love this piece, and, like Cherish,
I particularly loved these lines...

"And dancers leap
as chinadolls cry."

Excellent imagery and yes...somewhat haunting. as well.
I wish you the best of everything, Jen.
Good luck to you and don't wander too far.
Hugs,
~Vicky
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Marge Tindal

Member Empyrean

since 1999-11-06

Posts 42384
Florida's Foreverly Shores

12 posted 2006-01-05 10:25 PM

Jen~
Wanting to hear that you're okay~
Too long you've been gone~

I emailed you ...~

This is as lovely now ... as it was then~

*Huglets*
~*Marge*~

~*No matter what I search for ...
let me know when it is LOVE that I find*~ <))><

Email - [email protected]

Ace of Crimson Tears
Junior Member

since 2006-03-03

Posts 14
United States

13 posted 2006-04-10 10:37 AM

That poem was great I loved it! I'll be keeping an eye out for anything new.

~Ace of Crimson Tears~
Aka
Matt

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