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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-09-20 08:08 AM

cool summer nights caught in a breeze
feel don't touch the silent water
as your eyes overtake my innocence
i fall deeply for your wicked spell
at a glance

all was lost after those nights
perception on living erased from the mind
you were gone but i tryed to follow you
i seemed perfectly happy without you
all brave and tied up in wealth
at a glance

corny love songs on the radio made me cry
behind the scenes i shed my tears
never letting a pearl hit the ground
in your unlikly presence
all was good a smile always there
at a glance

now my world is falling apart
taking it leasurly time doing it
pain torture racked soul crumbling
on the outside everything seems grand
no you in my life to mess me up
i can achieve my life long goals
at a glance

now you see the tears that fall
the steel blade hanging in my room
angry glares in my eyes
watching you closly
dieing inside
you see this because
you took the time to look

not glance

~*Theres a sparkle in your eye that only i see, and theres a place in your heart where only i wanna be*~

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-09-20 02:03 PM

Riley -

Of the poetry I've read from you, so far this one is my favourite.  You obviously invested a lot of time in this poem, and it is very well recieved by me... you present not only an emotional argument, but also use more specific terms to communicate your feelings and your situation.

You use some good visual cues, like the blade hanging in your room, to give the reader more than just a conceptual understanding of the poem.  The idea of a "glance" being something fleeting and uncaring, and how you use it, enhances the poem greatly.

Very well done, Riley.  I'm impressed.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

LadyDracaWolf
Member

since 2002-09-19

Posts 73
CA

2 posted 2002-09-20 05:36 PM

"Perhaps love is like the ocean, perhaps an open door. It is there to give you comfort, it is there to keep you warm." ('Perhaps Love' the song, not the poem)
You cannot fall in love alone.

Death is not extinguishing the light;
it is putting out the lamp
because the dawn has come.

Rabindranath Tagore
Poet, Philosopher, Nobel Laurea

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2002-09-20 05:39 PM

Parasite: Thank you very much, I did work kinda harder on this than anything i have written so far and think it turned out pretty well. Thank you again for replying.
LadyWolf: Thank you to for replying.

Ri

~*Theres a sparkle in your eye that only i see, and theres a place in your heart where only i wanna be*~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

4 posted 2002-10-18 01:55 PM

Riley~
I am really enjoying your writing and this
one is no exception.
You've done a great job here.
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2002-10-18 07:35 PM

I liked this one, especially when it was approaching the end. Nicely done riley.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

6 posted 2002-10-20 03:51 PM

Thanks to everyone who replied!!!!!!!!!!

~*I'm not gonna say I'm gorgeous, that for you to decide, if you really wanna know me, see the world through my eyes*~

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