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Kevin

Senior Member

since 1999-11-02

Posts 729
Torrington, Ct, Usa

0 posted 2002-10-29 01:20 AM

Caught in a cartwheel
Back on my hands
Dizzy and breaking
Yesterday’s plans
My solutions a problem
My problem demands
And I’m caught in a cartwheel
Back on my hands

I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go
All I need is just to hear a song I know

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

1 posted 2002-10-29 04:32 PM

Kev,
This is one of my favs. It made so much sense. It is very well written. Great job. I have given up on saying i love u because u never say anything back.LOL.
*Allison*

foreverwithyou
Member

since 2002-10-20

Posts 204
Wonderland

2 posted 2002-10-29 08:15 PM

I liked this it was short and simple and to the point and can understand poems better if they r not all long and stuff

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

3 posted 2002-10-29 08:18 PM

I personally love shorter poems b/c they don't drone on. This one definitely doesn't do that at all. I really liked this and am once again marveled at your talent.
Great job!

=-Laura-=

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

4 posted 2002-10-29 09:27 PM

So kicked butt here!!
I like the way this flows, the length...everything. Wonderfully done.

Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

xShUgArHiGhx

Member Elite

since 2000-09-26

Posts 3150
tRyIn tO fIt iN2 mY oWn ShoEs

5 posted 2002-10-29 10:06 PM

Hey hun...this was great...short and sweet and showed so much. Liked it lots!

Sometimes I get so weird
I even freak myself out
I laugh myself to sleep
It's my lullaby

aVriL lAvIgNe

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

6 posted 2002-10-30 12:39 PM

Allison, I just think you're scaring him.

Kev, I like the theme of this poem, the whole cyclic thing... but I think it should be drawn out a bit more than you have. You could probably write more analogies relating to this theme and harmonize them in a longer poem, which I think would be more effective.

Just my opinion.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

7 posted 2002-10-30 01:43 PM

Hey, I love the way you used a cartwheel to describe your ups and downs. Great job

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

8 posted 2002-11-05 02:36 PM

Kevin~
I enjoyed this VERY much!
It has almost a Shel Silverstein feel to it.
Well done, my friend.
~Vicky

P.S. Don't forget to check out Teen Challenge #2!
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

9 posted 2002-11-05 04:31 PM

But LP I like to scare ppl. LOL:-D
*Allison*

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