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clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

0 posted 2002-10-27 10:14 PM

I remember nights at the lake
Watching trees burn down into
Smithereens, watching the fire
Make its destruction
Now who's the one making
Their own destruction?

I remember days spent
Writing in journals, tears
Spreading over the page
Girls in the class room tying
Their stupid blond hair in
Red and purple bows

I remember the past
In it's icy cold glare, staring at me
From depths of oceans and lakes
Calling at me from a distance
Reaching it's arms to grab my
Neck. And me agreeing willingly

I remember the present
With it's concerts and mosh pits
Kissing girls and beating up people for fun,
With games of mindless chatter
And tag phone calls and running in graveyards.
(I won't step on the stars)

And I hate remembering
Because
I only wanted to live.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-28 11:05 AM

Not bad.  You gave away the ending by titling it with the ending... but I'm seriously going to stop griping about that, because everyone does that.

A lot of neat lines in here... some solid images, like the icy cold glare of the past, grabbing you and choking you.  Very cool.

Oh, and "it's" means "it is."  If you want to express the possessive of "it," the word is "its."  Trust me.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Darkness
Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 202
The place just beyond my eyes, where my spirit flies.

2 posted 2002-11-01 01:26 PM

Good. I liked it, I guess(aside from it being a good poem) because i could relate to it. The part about how you give in willingly, was great!

Keep writing.

Darkness

Android 17

Senior Member

since 2001-07-21

Posts 664
Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-11-01 02:46 PM

Hey Jessi-Kitty! This poem was fun and enjoyable to read! Girl, y'know---you've REALLY got a knack for this stuff! I'm serious! You've ALWAYS had this...this strange, secret seasoning to your poems that I've always had a craving for! Gooooooooooooood jooooooooooooob!

Tyhla du dra piyd uv so seht!

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

4 posted 2002-11-03 01:22 AM

dude.... groovy! I love the way you did this one!

NSnaomian
Member

since 2002-07-22

Posts 232
In my troll closet I be

5 posted 2002-11-03 06:58 PM

I really enjoyed this, great job! Two thumbs up!

Laura

Real friends are those who, when you feel you've made a fool of yourself, don't feel you've done a permanent job.

quietlydying

Senior Member

since 2001-06-10

Posts 935
the wonderful land of oz

6 posted 2002-11-03 07:50 PM

i love your work. it only seems to get better.

i'm green with envy.

keep it up doll.

/jen/

what if they gave a war, and nobody came...

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

7 posted 2002-11-05 01:41 PM

clumsy~
I truly enjoyed reading this piece.
This is very well-written and has a powerful ending.
Very nicely done.
~Vicky

P.S. Don't forget to check out Teen Challenge #2!
"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

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