war against society (Rot Away With Me)

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PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

0 posted 2002-10-22 08:11 PM

locked your arms around me.
Sheltered by their reign.
Evilness and hatred...
Is the only thing left to gain.

Rot away with me.
Don't just leave me here..
please.

Pictures fade inside my head.
Warping with this horrid dance.
Evilness and hatred...
I don't stand a chance.

Rot away with me.
Don't just leave me here..
please.

Bleeding the same blood,
from the same wounds.
Young and hopeless,
stupid and careless.
Rot away with me.
You and I have both lost this war,
but together.
Rot away with me..
please.

(Does this end weird too?)

"Sometimes, somethings turn into dumb things, and that's when you put your foot down."

dinky
Member

since 2002-10-19

Posts 258

1 posted 2002-10-22 10:03 PM

another masterpiece yet again
gRRRRRRRRRRRRRRReat write
so andy will soon no ?????
well then all i can leave u with is one thought that may help u one day
abcdefg........(lol)
luv the alphabet
~sam~

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

2 posted 2002-10-22 10:04 PM

it's like the anthem for codependency.....
the ending is good, it all ties in well.

PoeticGoddessOfDepression
Member

since 2002-07-02

Posts 439
I am everywhere

3 posted 2002-10-22 10:05 PM

lol! I'm seriously laughing.
I want to see you wokring at a hospitial, you'd be like..
"You're husban is dying, but I will leave you with this last thought... 'love the alphabet'"
omg omg omg, now i have top use the bathroom!!!
thanks man!! i'm all happy now.
heh

~sara

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-10-23 11:05 AM

I love the alphabet.

Sara - really liked this... lots of dark emotion, which is what I like to see in a poem.  You also structured this piece extremely well, and for that I commend you.

The ending is strong, but you could strengthen it by knocking it off of the title.  Just my opinion.

Very good writing, Sara.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

5 posted 2002-10-23 01:35 PM

To being with, and as I said before, the first poem did not end weirdly.
This poem did not end weirdly either.
I liked it. You are a very good poet. Your work impressed me. Very nice, indeed.
I look forward to more of your work.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

devinechild22
Senior Member

since 2002-08-28

Posts 571

6 posted 2002-10-24 04:39 PM

I love it!!!! Good job! Anyway........
    I SAW CALVIN!!! FINALLY!!! MY GOD IT FEELS LIKE AN ETERNITY!
   He looks different than I pictured him...
   Did I tell U i like D.J.?? Well I told him today!! I`ll email u. anyway.....I leave u with this thought...."There is no heebie withought a jeebie and there is no jeebie withought a heebie..."

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