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Teen Poetry #6

Your Jaded Eyes

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

0 posted 2003-06-09 12:33 PM

Jaded brown eyes
That’s all I seen in you
The happiness from inside
Is no longer showing though

I’ve waited many a night
To see your lovely face
All I got was this clod stair
Looking at me in your place

A spark, a twinkle
I’ve seen come from your eyes
The real self is showing though
When you made "desperate tries"

Those nights when I climbed
Out of your windowsill
You turned around form your hands
And asked me to be still

From the weeping side of you
I caught a glimmer of a smile
For that one more time
I will stay for more than a while

idleeyes86
Member

since 2003-06-09

Posts 64
Somewhere over the rainbow

1 posted 2003-06-09 02:21 PM

Being able to form a connection with the feelings of a poet always makes a reader enjoy a poem more I find, it may be helped in this case by the fact that I've found myself (well still am) in a similar situation to the one you describe. However the fact that you paint such a vivid, almost simple but in a good way, picture means I found I could really feel myself sitting halfway out that window. I may add this is the first time I've been drwn to replying to a poem. Good stuff

Ratleader

Member Rara Avis

since 2003-01-23

Posts 7026
Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass

2 posted 2003-06-10 01:44 AM

I've commented on a bunch....and I agree completely.

...and idleeyes86, given your insight, I think I'll be looking forward to reading your stuff.

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______________Ratleader______________

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