Challenge # 1 ( Dances in the Wind )

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Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-19 10:01 PM

drip cast unjust shadows
'pon the blue-blackish moon
questions arise with invisible answers
written red on red behind a plaster wall
orbs shiver by likely windcast cause
yonder by the sunset met by soft skin
thrown away listless convincing words
watching the same picture through color
once again it surronds me
floating through flowers with a purple hue
scared fleeting thoughts hit the wind
flying into the sky in arms so sweet
blue spaces come upon me
wrapping around me like a knit blanket
finally we lay on the green carpet
under the midnight blue skies
done at last with nothing between us
except bonded love that is unbreakable
surpassed underneath the glow
tender touch along with the row
kiss now, and then morn comes sooner than needed
everynight shall continue this way
until life takes us to another world

* this is the challenge vicky put forth and here is my little expla., meeting someone I need but don't relize it, and can't have him either. *

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

[This message has been edited by Riley (10-20-2002 06:21 PM).]

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-20 01:36 AM

Ri, you gotta be careful with the chronological tenses...

you jumped between past, present and a weird variation of future tense in some places...

well, either way, you have some strong imagery that really carried this poem through... I liked it. Great answer to the challenge, babe.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

2 posted 2002-10-20 01:59 AM

Riley~
Challenge met!
I have to agree with Brian. You have some
excellent imagery in this piece, and I
really enjoyed reading it.
You are an incredibly talented poet, Riley.
Keep writing and I'll keep reading.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

3 posted 2002-10-20 03:58 PM

Hi there! This is a really great response to the challenge. The imagery is great, and the emotions that come across are very strong. Keep on writing!!

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-10-21 10:47 AM

You used words in this poem that I would never think about even saying haha. I liked the choice of words here, very nice. The challenge was well done.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

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