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Teen Poetry #6

Troublesome 03'

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

0 posted 2002-10-18 01:19 AM

Watching the tears flow
Days passing even faster
Love will I ever know
Life complete with disasters

Mishaps with no upside
Another cloudy day
I hide, alone I cried
At night I pray

Hoping things will change
Circumstances i can't explain
Can't live life the same
All I do is complain

Never ceasing an opportunity
Insecurities plague me
A person I never wanted to be
Now down on one knee

Begging for my chance
To finally be content
Experience some romance
Escape this horrid torment

No more lonely nights
Need someone to show my love
Will that make things right
Cause it's you I think of

SuperSonic
Junior Member

since 2002-10-17

Posts 16
Northern Ireland

1 posted 2002-10-18 09:03 AM

Geez this poem brings back memories, from not that long ago either. A stirring and visual take on the depressive teen psyche. Well done!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

2 posted 2002-10-18 11:21 AM

You rocked with the interlocking rhyme scheme here, Shady. I especially like the final stanza, you ended on a very strong note.

Well done. Probably one of your best.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-10-18 07:17 PM

I liked it, but not as much as some of the work that I have read from you. The style kind of reminds me of just a bunch of sentence fragments. It was nicely put together, though, and I did like that.
Hope to see more.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

4 posted 2002-10-19 02:55 PM

Thank you guys for the response, it's most appreciated! anyone else?

kadafi09
Member

since 2003-06-17

Posts 143
California, United States

5 posted 2003-11-22 11:53 AM

beautiful work. loved the reference to 'pac's work in the title. you have true talent.

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