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Teen Poetry #6
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Sunset Twice
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Sunset Twice |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
I have been ill at ease as of late, as my poetry has portrayed but I couldn't sleep last night so I found myself up at four in the morning watching this. Through the night I pondered, But now I see the day. The rays of golden sunlight Chase the dark away. And now from the horizon, A golden hue is formed. And as I gaze at this wond’rous sight, My innermost soul is warmed. The purple clouds are beautiful, The long strands of silk, Hang from invisible threads in the sky, And when my soul does gaze at it, I feel I am up high. For the heavens have sent me their blessings, And I am forever grateful. My task now is to stop All that made me hateful. The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again |
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| © Copyright 2003 Bella - All Rights Reserved | |||
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dizzyblondeme Junior Member
since 2003-08-27
Posts 11NE, England |
This has really cheered me up. I've been a little down and sad today (had a bad morning) but your poem has brought a smile to my face. Its very inspiring, the type of thing that you need to read to make you feel grateful and regain faith in yourself. Thanx and I think you have made a really good job of this - Well done! XxXx J xXxX |
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Kaydo Junior Member
since 2003-06-02
Posts 17Washington, USA |
I'm a little late in posting but I've been a busy person with the starting of school and all... OMG, this poem... Breath taking? I really think that this is one of your most beautiful poems (specailly for being written at 4 in the morning). Definatly something I'll be able to read when I'm down, and know that it will bring a smile to my face. Truely wonderlul write hun! Don't ever stop, ok? love ya lots!!!!!! Travis Work like you don't need the moeny, dance like no one is watching, Sing like your all alone, and love like you've never been hurt. |
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WinterWren Senior Member
since 2002-12-01
Posts 1044...Coming to |
I really like this one! Im not usually up for the sunrises, but I always try to catch it setting. *sigh*. Wonderful,soothing poem, you painted the picture perfectly. WinterWren |
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chasing rain Senior Member
since 2001-05-15
Posts 737Canada |
Beautifully written. It's really nice to see you still around here; I'm sure you're improving with every post. The flow was excellent for the first 1½ stanzas, but be careful. Often, when you're writing a rhythmically driven poem, the flow has to be exact. It wobbled a bit around the last line of the second stanza, and completely changed by the third. Try not to change the meter in the middle of a poem because the thought-process of the reader becomes muddled and confused, leaving him/her grasping for some kind of consistancy. The ending was a bit weak, so maybe you can find something else that rhymes with "grateful"? Keep up the good work! |
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Maddy vanD Member
since 2003-09-06
Posts 99Newfoundland, Canada |
I'm an insomniac so I see many sunrises (though up here on the Rock most of them are heavily filtered through fog or heavy overcast) and this poem awakened so many memories of beautiful sunrises....it really is amazing how much the dawn can affect one isn't it. I have to agree with Leah about the rythem thing, but I really liked the poem....WRITE ON!! Maddy |
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Song_for_Serenity Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 97USA |
Great poem, but for some reason the 3rd stanza was a lil' rocky. That could just be me. Anyhoo, have a spiffy day! ~Angela |
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Spine Grinder Senior Member
since 2000-10-28
Posts 1127Standing In Silence... |
I liked this. There are plenty of people out there that suffer from loss of sleep, including me, and this describes what so many people see each morning. Good write. "I'm tired of being what you want me to be."~Linkin Park [This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (09-17-2003 05:07 PM).] |
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