Why Do Fools Fall? - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

0 posted 2002-10-17 10:01 PM

dance in the twilight of a silky moon
flow with the shine upon the swans croon

another wistless night without your call
waiting as i lean brushed my hair against the wall

dry vibrant circles curve with me
blind might the tears the cover the eyes i see

fall over and over relive the moment forever
shining 'gainst a flight fawn i shiver

country accent down south twang
all from my daddy who grew up in swang

desciption senseless falling over two left feet
until i finally see the one i like to meet

over and over and over words said
repetitive one line along the moons lead

kiss never so sweet as the first time never had
all i can remeber is everything bad

my gracefulness got the best of me
i fell off the cart again you see

never forget special moments like that
again my first glance at my future as sat

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Attila
Junior Member

since 2002-10-14

Posts 17
USA

1 posted 2002-10-17 10:19 PM

Riley~
  I liked this one! I didn't really like the line that you fell off your "cart"....i don't know it just seemed like you couldn't think of a word..if their is a specail meaning behind the diction of that one tell me.  I did like it.
     Attila
         "Right after meeting him we had already kissed, a week after that and i can still feel his lips on mine"

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2002-10-18 03:05 AM

"dance in the twilight of a silky moon
flow with the shine upon the swans croon"
THIS is what captured me. Right at the beginning you had me, and didn't lose me. Way to go!

You are so my hero!

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

3 posted 2002-10-18 11:18 AM

Personally, I thought this was very well written. You did sort of a streaming thing in your writing with a few lines, dropping punctuation and wording it as it might be thought, rather than as it might be said...

There are a lot of lines that I really loved in this, too many to name. You did a wonderful job of this, Riley, and I'm definitely impressed. One of my favourites from you for sure.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

gymnast
Member

since 2001-11-18

Posts 80
Scotland.

4 posted 2002-10-18 11:57 AM

I love this poem. It's awesome. It's so descriptive, I can actually imagine my self being there! Great work-hope to read more soon!
||amanda||

Give All To Love, Obey Thy Heart. ~R.W.Emerson~

lonewolf1
New Member

since 2002-10-16

Posts 9

5 posted 2002-10-18 01:06 PM

The first two lines were amazing. I have to reread the rest of the poem. I'm still in shock after the first two lines. Very good.

lonewolf1

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

6 posted 2002-10-18 02:02 PM

Thanks a lot everyone, there is not a particular special meaning about this, just poetry!!!!!!!!!!!

Thanks again for all the replies...

Riley

~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

7 posted 2002-10-18 07:22 PM

I enjoyed the poem muchly!

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

StellarChica
Member

since 2002-07-06

Posts 207
floating down a river...

8 posted 2002-10-18 07:26 PM

This was great stuff. Keep it up.

*~erin~*

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.