An Ode To Your Ceiling - pipTalk Forums

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collarbone_girl
Junior Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 45
Wonderland

0 posted 2003-08-28 12:25 PM

-Scribble me your eyes on a piece of paper-
and pass it under the desk we share

i would love to be in your room tonight
lying long on your bed in your oversized tee
as i study
with my hair in my eyes

you sit on the floor,
playing our song on your love sick
tear eroded beauty scarred
guitar

tickle me till i laugh out loud
and kiss me till i sigh
run your fingers thru my hair
and whisper in my ear

sittin in your yard
watching the clouds
counting the stars
writing each other haikus...

pass me a cigarette
case if enough smoke gets in my eyes

my
ceiling
might
just
turn
into
yours

This Cool Night Air Is Curious...

Rise of Truth
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 59
Beneath the Fury Sun

1 posted 2003-08-28 02:34 PM

Hmph.
Ceilings are easy enough to admire, on your back.
I liked this line,
"tear eroded beauty scarred
guitar"

Listen deep, ye product of fleshs sinned! Forget mystery! For i am a thing deeper still.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

2 posted 2003-08-28 05:56 PM

Wow-EEE! This was an AWESOME write! The imagery was great! Everything I pictured was detailed and the emotions this stirred up are unbelievable! Great work! ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2003-08-28 09:45 PM

this was amazing..tho i would change the title cause i don't think this deserves the "ode" thing it deserves a beautiful title to go with an equally if not more beautiful poem

* the pouring rain kisses my lips with innocence as you look into my eyes *

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

4 posted 2003-08-28 11:40 PM

Lovely...

there were quite a few lines in this that I thought were really beautiful. Sometimes for this reason, I hate ceilings...

the faeries creep into my hair at night leaving it in terrible knots

*Belabebeautiful*

Senior Member

since 2003-01-03

Posts 696
washington, USA

5 posted 2003-08-29 02:54 AM

Yet another that I am inchanted with, I love the first line of this poem, the whole idea of scribbling down someones eyes just is so out of context of the normal way of thinking that it just tickled my fancy so to speak because I love poetry that really thinks out of the box. The imagery was astounding and beautiful per usual and I also enjoyed the line about the guitar. All in all another wonderful write.
~Live and Laugh~

The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again
~Bella~

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

6 posted 2003-08-30 03:06 PM

so honest. So real, as if I was there as some intusive bystander. I loved this.

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

7 posted 2003-08-31 12:21 PM

sweeeeeeeeeeeeeet

wow that was innnnnnncredible. good job

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