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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2002-10-17 03:57 PM

i know its short, but i cant think of how 2 end it or a title...maybe u peoples can help lol

Seething hatred,
eternal pain.

Firey passion,
lovers slain.

Deathness stilled,
truth betold.

Inept liars,
stories unfold.

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

1 posted 2002-10-17 04:03 PM

unfold the truth of
secrets that have flown...

heh... i dunno just a suggestion for the ending. not my kind of style of writing, but i liked it

"i'm a light headed wonder."
-------------------

gymnast
Member

since 2001-11-18

Posts 80
Scotland.

2 posted 2002-10-17 05:09 PM

ooh i like your poem! i cant help you with the ending or title tho-sorry! hmm your poem is different from what i usually like but its good-really good!

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

3 posted 2002-10-17 07:13 PM

I liked this one a lot. VERY thought provoking and well written. Short but powerful...

no idea for a title hehe, if I came up with a cool one I'd probably use it for myself.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

4 posted 2002-10-17 08:35 PM

thanks 4 the suggestions, i'm glad u all liked it.

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-10-18 11:01 AM

This is the kind of poem that calls for a one-word title. Try to describe the poem in one word, if you know what I mean... summarize it as briefly as you can and use that as the title.

This is pretty neat, and not what I'm used to reading from you. Nice to see you trying your hand at new styles.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

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