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HVNsnt82086
Junior Member

since 2001-06-05

Posts 30
United States

0 posted 2002-10-14 12:07 PM

I used to think I would be all right.
But, Baby, look what you’ve done to me.
You took away all my strength,
With just one glance,
Yeah, you made me weak in the knees.

And now I’m craving your attention.
How can I get you to notice me?
I tried to be the kinda girl that you like;
But how do I know what you really see?

Cause, Boy, I’m needing you to need me,
And though that’s never gotten me very far,
You’re a light I’ve got to hold onto
To keep me from losing my way in the dark.

So, I’ve got no choice but to keep on trying,
I won’t give up that easily.
I’ve got to make things go my way
This time.
Or what else is there left for me?

And my heart is craving your affection.
So look my way and hold my hand.
And take a look into my eyes;
I know that then you’ll understand.

Cause, Boy, I’m needing you to need me,
And though that’s never gotten me very far,
You’re a light I’ve got to hold onto
To keep me from losing my way in the dark.

[This message has been edited by HVNsnt82086 (10-14-2002 12:08 AM).]

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

1 posted 2002-10-14 12:09 PM

this could be quite the pop song.

HVNsnt82086
Junior Member

since 2001-06-05

Posts 30
United States

2 posted 2002-10-14 12:13 PM

Thanks. It actually is a song I wrote, but I guess it could be read as a lyrical poem, so I figured I'd just post it here to get some feedback.

Passion. It lies in all of us. Sleeping, waiting, and though unwanted, unbidden, it will stir. Open it's jaws, and howl. It speaks to us, guides us.

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

3 posted 2002-10-14 01:07 AM

haha, the first thought that came into my head when I read the first four or so lines was "this could be a song", turns out that it is...so now I feel all redundant and crap with this reply.

Nice write though, could I assume you to be the next Britney Spears?

Ohh...how dull am I? I just realised why that LeAnn Rhimes was signing Violet's song in that movie something -Ugly. I feel real smart haha...

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

4 posted 2002-10-14 01:36 AM

This was a pretty sweet song. Whoever this boy is, i'm sure he'd love it.

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

5 posted 2002-10-14 12:01 PM

Well I had to go and read it a second time when you said it was a song. Songs are read way differently than poems ya know.

I actually liked it a bit better as a poem than I did as a song. I think it lacks the kind of structure you'd usually expect in a song. You should ask Hallucination about song structure, he is very knowledgeable about it.

Still, I like the emotions in this. Nicely written.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

gymnast
Member

since 2001-11-18

Posts 80
Scotland.

6 posted 2002-10-18 12:08 PM

Great poem/song! I think it's awesome! You descibed perfectly how this guy used to make me feel. I like this a lot! Nicely written! Hope to read many more!
||Amanda||

Give All To Love, Obey Thy Heart. ~R.W.Emerson~

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