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Teen Poetry #6
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Mortar and Pestilence III
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Mortar and Pestilence III |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg 
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Mortar and Pestilence III Good day, my Liege and Sultan true I've all but had enough of You To speak it in affection This evil You've adhered me to Is spreading its infection The pure is faintly lost by young To threads of greater knowledge strung Which ev'ry child aspires, For ignorance, this mortal tongue, Holds tied from one's desires Until, by act of greater fate Arrives that superficial date Where truer love is known (It's asked we never contemplate What words are scribed in stone) And I, as those whom I describe Belong to what a savage tribe To crave the stronger prize That love does, greater wisdom, bribe With what it should despise I must denounce this purity For in my narrow'd view, I see This promist, holy seed Reduced to not a sympathy But everlasting greed Now, to my mortal mind's extent, If all exists by Your consent And herefore, all is will'd; Then it must be Your foul intent To see this curse instill'd I'll meet what hatred You enchant With gifted will to yet recant The truth of lovers' toil, How leprous of a seed You plant To wretch this fertile soil. [This message has been edited by Local Parasite (10-16-2002 08:06 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Brian James Lee - All Rights Reserved | |||
Child of the Stars
since 2000-09-07
Posts 1658Ann Arbor, MI |
*yawns* Yet again, flawless.  All right, all right.  That was mean..now I try to find something in here I can connect to...but hrmm...not happening too easily..I'll keep looking. You keep writing, sir. ~Carly "My own eyes are not enough for me; I will see through a thousand and yet remain myself..." ~C.S. Lewis [This message has been edited by Child of the Stars (10-16-2002 09:53 PM).] |
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Ina Senior Member
since 2000-10-09
Posts 1236Quebec, Canada |
I liked this reminds of Holden from "catcher in the rye" in a weird way, i dont even understand why, it just does. then it reminds me of "wise innonence" the sort of thing we think about when we're treading waters of thought. Regina ooo i just re read that reply its kinda weird but maybe you might understand it, by the way I enjoyed your poem [This message has been edited by Ina (10-16-2002 09:58 PM).] |
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anawnda Member
since 2002-07-26
Posts 113 |
i like the approach to this poem, im not sure though if i got it right but i like the view of love here. i guess it has a cynical way yet it redeemed itself in the end. |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Ack! Seriously, Brian, I ought not read your poems before class. They make my brain turn to mush and I have trouble thinking- I'm too busy trying to decide what I want to reply with. Arg. I've got a ten page packet on Antitrust laws to read, an article on Tobacco warning labels and packaging, a consumer product safety act to read, three or four papers on false advertising and some doo-hickey on Ohio's Gaming Laws. Why do people do this to me? Hmmm... still debating... I'll leave you an IOU *IOU a good reply for an excellent poem* "Wie ein Quadrat in einem Kreis, eck' ich immer wieder an obwohl ich doch schon lange weiß, daß ich niemals ändern kann." ~Wizo [This message has been edited by Allysa (10-17-2002 10:43 AM).] |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought that you wrote this well, but the ryhme scheme pissed me off haha. The flow was fine for what it was, but it did not fit my fancy. That's an opinion, but as for the poem itself...what it was- it was pretty darn great. Muchly liked....muchly! And if you don't like this reply, you're going to have to kill me hehe.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
I really liked this. This is very well written. I hope to learn a lot from your poems because they are very very good. Im sorry I`m sorry I`m so boring but hey.... *Allison* |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
I think, that you are so talented, and I really wish I could write something as awesomely great as this. Wow. You are so my hero! [This message has been edited by Skyfire (10-19-2002 06:10 AM).] |
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boy and his spirit Junior Member
since 2002-08-26
Posts 41within my heart |
i care for you like nothing else. you make me plush and soft and cuddly like a carebears fluffs as a child loves the television show wish so many smiles. run to the television and turn it on and melt into the screen the way i melt into your body like a hot marshmallow on lambert's birthday. |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
*scratches head, then decides not to ask* casey |
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Wind
since 2002-10-12
Posts 2981 |
 I won't ask either....Parisite, how are you buddy! Great poem, only confused me a little bit this time! "Sticks and stones will break my bones, |
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Janet Marie Member Laureate
since 2000-01-22
Posts 18554 |
Good day, my Liege and Sultan true I've all but had enough of You To speak it in affection This evil You've adhered me to Is spreading its infection The pure is faintly lost by young To threads of greater knowledge strung Which ev'ry child aspires, For ignorance, this mortal tongue, Holds tied from one's desires Until, by act of greater fate Arrives that superficial date Where truer love is known (It's asked we never contemplate What words are scribed in stone) ================================ Now, to my mortal mind's extent, If all exists by Your consent And herefore, all is will'd; Then it must be Your foul intent To see this curse instill'd I'll meet what hatred You enchant With gifted will to yet recant The truth of lovers' toil, How leprous of a seed You plant To wretch this fertile soil. ================================== Have I mentioned that you write light years over a mere mortal moths head? |
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