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collarbone_girl
Junior Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 45
Wonderland

0 posted 2003-08-05 06:39 AM

and again i go unnoticed
as i steal the lines from songs
to tell you how much you mean to me
cause you never really look me
in the eye anymore

and i crack my fingers,
wash my blood till it turns white
but i'm not good enough,
am i?

and the scars on my arms
grow in the sun
damm my days of worthlessness
these wrists could tell a story
that would scare a grown man
into never doing that thing again
cause it's all his fault

but

you used to make me feel
like a daffodil
dancing
in
the
wind

as i wither
as the spring drips out me
in these tears
that feel like tar

you seem further and further away

and i can't even name myself
cause he stole my title
when he made it up

and it really sucks.
realising what's happened to you
and instead of the light coming
all of this happy
gets sucked away
and i'm left feeling this damp fog

i need an umbrella.
cause this mist is wetting my hair
making it curl round my ears
and fall in my eyes
and now I cant see
one streetlight for the next
the moon is out of view

if only you were here to guide
me
thru the dark
to take me home
to kiss me at my doorstep

and walk slowly back to your car
Shoulders hunched against the cold

to wave at the window

and to fall asleep

thinking about
me

This Cool Night Air Is Curious...

Star T
Member

since 2002-07-12

Posts 182
Philadelphia, US

1 posted 2003-08-05 12:03 PM

i liked your poem BUT there was too much stuff thus it was a little too complicated and hard to follow.but depth is always the beauty of a poem so good job!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2003-08-05 07:59 PM

truth: this is so beautiful. I loved all of it. It was just phrased so well. You look at things from such a different perseptive. Your poetry not only makes me think, it makes me feel.
~Lex

Jaime

Registered

Member
Posts 250

3 posted 2003-08-06 01:31 AM

"and i can't even name myself
cause he stole my title
when he made it up"

I like how this poem is relatively simple, yet with the combination of that and the metaphors it becomes more chewy. Something less bland. And your way of confessing everything is always charming to me.

jaime.

the faeries creep into my hair at night leaving it in terrible knots

Deep_Inside
Member

since 2002-02-14

Posts 377
i can't stop hiding

4 posted 2003-08-06 02:40 AM

i didn't like this poem that much. the content was centered on one thing but still had a ton of stuff to bring to mind in one poem but that is just my opinion, and we all know what those are. Keep writhing

when you live you begin to die
when you die memories of you life lives in others
when memories of you begin to fade
you truly begin to die

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