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tapper798
Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 353
My own world

0 posted 2003-07-30 04:50 PM

Everytime I see you
You take my breath away.
My hear beats alittle faster,
and i can't find the words to say.

Everytime i see you
you smile warms my heart
It skips a couple beats
and that's only where it starts.

Everytime i see you
there's a twinkly in your eyes
they laugh so joyfully
they shine like the night sky.

Everytime I see you
you make me laugh so hard
you take away all the pain
of the past that has scarred.

Everytime I see you
I wish i were with you
that way i would know
you wanted me too.

Tell me what you think!

Erin

chicken
Junior Member

since 2003-07-27

Posts 44

1 posted 2003-07-30 06:26 PM

great write/read
-Emma =*)

chicken
Junior Member

since 2003-07-27

Posts 44

2 posted 2003-07-30 07:35 PM

Especially like the ending, may i add why hasent any1 else wrote anything? i dont know what time it is but here in wales (gb) its 0:34am and im shattered! lol

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

3 posted 2003-07-30 08:32 PM

this made me wish.....hmmmm, a feeling i know all to well.....thanks for the read...

great write

riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

4 posted 2003-07-31 02:26 PM

good write.

magic_612
Member

since 2003-07-31

Posts 190
NB, Canada

5 posted 2003-07-31 03:38 PM

very good poem, hope it all works out for you!

Ankaria
Junior Member

since 2003-07-26

Posts 35
Sask. Canada

6 posted 2003-07-31 08:41 PM

Hey nice poem but I have a little suggestion

"Everytime I see you
you make me laugh so hard
you take away the pain
of the past that it has scarred."

Yah it's a nice poem and I like your rhyme scheme. Keep on with your work, I'll be reading.

Ankaria
"Is all we see or seem, but a dream within a dream?"
-Edgar Allen Poe

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

7 posted 2003-08-01 08:29 PM

This is boring. I think you could spice it up a bit. sparkly? I laughed at that part. This is so cliche'. You might want to work on that. It has potential though.
~Lex

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