Teen Poetry #6 |
My Dreams....I'm new here, is this OK to post? |
~*Tantalize*~ Junior Member
since 2003-07-29
Posts 26Sunny California (San Francisco Bay Area) |
Hey everyone, I wrote this when I was having some more than "friends" feeling about a friend...is this ok to post here though? I'm new and haven't read all the posts here yet and hope its ok. ~Jen I go to sleep and dream a dream Of passion every night I close my eyes and search for you Because I know it feels so right Once in my dreamland I long for your embrace And a smile of joy appears As soon as I see your face But there is a person lying next to me And I’m not sure what to do I love him with all my heart But my body aches for you So, back to my dream The details I must share We walk closer to each other We are stuck in a passionate stare I lick my lips and think to myself All the things I’d like to do Many things I must admit But number one is you You wrap you arms around me And pull my body near Passion covers me entirely I want you right here I look into your eyes And I can see much desire You run your hands all over my body Truly starting my fire You kiss me very passionately And whisper in my ear I think you feel the same as I Because you say you want me right here You lay me on the ground And look deep into my eyes Everything dormant in me Rapidly begins to fly See there is something I have been missing And clearly it is this Because after just a few minutes with you I am overwhelmed with bliss Sweet love is what we make Together you and I But quickly it is over Oh how the time flies I hear my alarm beeping Telling me to wake My dream felt so real But clearly it was fake I wake with thoughts of you That linger all day long I have him, but want you Someone tell me this is wrong Thoughts of you fill my mind I’m always wanting more I have to wait until tonight My dreams I do adore |
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© Copyright 2003 Jennifer ~*Tantalize*~ - All Rights Reserved | |||
OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
well HELLOOOO jeez welcome to passions that was quite a first post if i've ever seen one... its a little... well... i would be careful posting something like that. it was good, lots of emotion and... yeah. BUT... it was a litte-- riskay?? lol good job anyhow ~cassi |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Awww...! This was amazing! Absolutely great imagery! Great work..this is goin' in my library! Oh yeah...I don't see a problem with this poem being in the teen section but others might. Just thought I'd let ya in on that! ~Jess "At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato |
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chicken Junior Member
since 2003-07-27
Posts 44 |
gr8 1st post ten times better than mine its full of emotion and rather ummm erotic! just a thought well done -E.M.D |
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AlostHeart Member
since 2003-05-01
Posts 78Wisconsin, U.S. |
This is a really good write with lots of emotion. I think you should be ok as long as your not swearing or anything. Keep up the good work and i hope to read more of yours. ~*~Tori~*~ Be happy, and respectful, dont forget about those ones that will always love you no matter how much you screw up! |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
This was an excellant first post. Welcome to Passions! I really love this poem. I could see and feel the whole thing. It was very emotional, and I could relate to it very well. I think you should be okay in posting this here, but I would be careful with any more. Great write, I hope to see more from you. -Jen |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
*hatred remembers 4th stanza and laughs like french man* good onnnneeeeeee. |
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tapper798 Member
since 2003-07-20
Posts 353My own world |
That was awsome! I am pretty new here too and none of my poems are that great! good job! |
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Song_for_Serenity Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 97USA |
Goodness... You sure know how to make a first impression. Welcome to Passions. That was an amazing first post. The flow is a little off in some places, but it was still a great poem. I look forward to seeing more from you. Have a spiffy day! ~Angela |
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katherine Member
since 2000-06-10
Posts 365Canberra Australia |
a confession in the first poem interresting very interresting. But seriously this is a great poem, it oozzes passion. i say ditch the guy you're with and be with the one you want, just remember it's never as good as you think it will be. |
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freudian_slip New Member
since 2003-06-20
Posts 7collective soul of humanity |
Chalk full of emotion, great write Sentio aliquos togatos contra me conspirare |
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Magicmystery Senior Member
since 2002-02-13
Posts 821Windsor, Ontario, Canada |
SSSSSTEAMY!!!!!!~~~~~~ wow!!!!! Couldn't have said it better myself. Had dreams like that for 17 years.... finally ditched all the doorknobs and married him!!! After I let him know I was still dreaming of him. Looking forward to reading more of you. Sherry Cherish the good memories of the past and look forward to the adventure called Tomorrow. But above all... be kind to yourself today. |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Damn!! Thats the first word that comes to mind! You sure started off with a bang! Welcome to passions hun, great first post chalked full of imagery and passion!! I truley adored it personally but I would be carfull about a lot of these, one or two and nobody is going to scream or yell but much more than that and they might move it to a different forum. I loved the feelings that were evoked through this poem though the flow was a bit off in some places and I would try and stay away from using the word "passion" to much, your trying to make your audience .:feel:. the passion if you get what I'm saying. Oh yeah and had a good chuckle at the fourth stanza, hehe..I love that you threw that in there, so true too!! All around lovely piece I hope to see more just as stunning ~Live and Laugh~ The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again |
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~*Tantalize*~ Junior Member
since 2003-07-29
Posts 26Sunny California (San Francisco Bay Area) |
Hey guys, wow, I am glad eveyone likes my work. Thank you all so much for replying, this is the best BB I have ever been to, you guys are all the best, I will find more and post it tomorrow! Love J |
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magic_612 Member
since 2003-07-31
Posts 190NB, Canada |
wow that poem is so full of feeling and emotion.. I am very impressed by how it made me feel. Very good work |
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Toasty Member
since 2003-06-09
Posts 74my little hole in wisconsin |
whoa... what a way to make a first impression! Passionate,emotional... I give it a 10.Keep up the good work, and welcome to passions! ~toasty "Nothing is so strong as gentleness; Nothing so gentle as real strength." -Francis de Sales. |
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collarbone_girl Junior Member
since 2003-07-14
Posts 45Wonderland |
you just cant understand how close to home this was for me... they rhyming added beautifully... i loved it and empathise with every sigh. This Cool Night Air Is Curious... |
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lingering thoughts Member
since 2003-05-03
Posts 70Illinois, USA |
!WoW! GREAT 1st post! i wish i could write this well LOL...I dont see any problem w/posting here..its not like teens dont have feelings like this right?!.. ill be looking for more of yours and by the way **WELCOME TO PASSIONS**! CaSSandra* |
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