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Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

0 posted 2003-07-26 11:27 PM

I wallow in self pity.
Don't look now.
I'd like to be alone in my shame.
Sitting in this pool of blood,
attending to my well deserved pain.

For all the thoughts I've had.
All the wasted time.

I stare upon the wall.
A fixated glare perhaps.
Now I know why the big hand moves..
with agonizing slowness.

Time is rotted away by this hand.
And it almost wishes it could hold back,
change the present, change the past.

Only for nothing.
In circles it turns.
Accomplishing for the accomplished.

So I lie here tonight.
Glaring at the wall.
Like a confused child.
(Be what you are I say.)
Listening to the the tick within my heart.
and the tock upon the wall.
wondering if it will ever..
STOP!

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

1 posted 2003-07-26 11:34 PM

wow, this was a very interesting topic you picked to write on. i love how you didn't mention the word clock in your poem, you just described it...this was a very nice write....loved it! library piece for sure!

riley

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

2 posted 2003-07-27 02:34 AM

i sense.......insomnia, if not i suggest trying it, it can be forced upon one self you know.

[This message has been edited by dertah (07-27-2003 02:34 AM).]

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

3 posted 2003-07-27 05:54 PM

I really love this one! Very descriptive.
I especially love the 4th stanza.
Excellent, and going in my library.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

4 posted 2003-07-27 11:21 PM

I'm speechless. Great write... ~Jess

"At the touch of love, everything becomes a poem." -Plato

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

5 posted 2003-07-28 07:13 PM

wow i really enjoyed this. it had meaning but it was interesting to read... it kept my attention and stuck to the point but it was really neat to interpret. i enjoy your writing a lot.

~cassi

Song_for_Serenity
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 97
USA

6 posted 2003-07-29 03:22 PM

Hey there! Great write. I don't know what I liked best about this poem. It was just very interesting all around.

~Angela
"Anything less than mad, passionate love is wasting your time...Life has too many mediocre things in it, love shouldn't be one of them..."

AlostHeart
Member

since 2003-05-01

Posts 78
Wisconsin, U.S.

7 posted 2003-07-29 03:44 PM

Good write and keep writing.
~Tori

Be happy, and respectful, dont forget about those ones that will always love you no matter how much you screw up!

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

8 posted 2003-07-29 06:21 PM

Wow, I really really felt this one. Thanks for the read.

-Jen

"One's philosophy is not best expressed in words; it's expressed in the choices on makes." -Eleanor Roosevelt

Evie
Junior Member

since 2003-07-20

Posts 15

9 posted 2003-07-30 09:54 PM

Hmmm.....interesting poem....hard to understand at first....I had to read it a few times to comprehend the meaning better....gets really deep in some areas, like "accomplishing for the accomplished"....wow....deep....lol....soundz like you're very miserable....I feel you.....I agree with "Derta" bout' the insomnia thang....I sense it as well......this poem could use a little revising, cuz it didn't really "flow" at all.....and it didn't really rhyme either.....but that's just my opinion on the matter.....poetry takes on all kinds of forms.....so my advice is if you're looking for the "rhyming" or "flowing" technique....keep working hard and you'll get there....if you're NOT....good for you....you have your own unique style.....kind of morbid....but I'm diggin' it....lol.....maybe try a li'l positive twist to your poems every once in a while to give your work a touch of flavor....it's up 2 you....good work though....keep up the creativity....till next time, take care.....

Tiffany Evangeline

[This message has been edited by Evie (07-30-2003 10:10 PM).]

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

10 posted 2003-07-30 09:57 PM

blood has no twist of hope to its flavor.

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