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Teen Poetry #6
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time to confess...
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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time to confess... |
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lingering thoughts Member
since 2003-05-03
Posts 70Illinois, USA |
you whisper in my sleep things i'll never know your love for me is strong more than you'll ever show are you afraid of what could happen not knowing how i feel hide the truth forever how will you ever deal this could go on a lifetime but my time is running short God needs me up above it's time to confess... your in love CaSSandra* tell me what you think ... can you tell i was bored? ha  |
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| © Copyright 2003 Cassandra - All Rights Reserved | |||
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
ha ha dude, good write. |
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Match Member
since 2002-07-01
Posts 286Canada Edmonton |
Much enjoyed -ash |
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Star T Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 182Philadelphia, US |
that was a nice poem.u said all u had to say in few words that contained all the emotions. |
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OtherSideOfTheMirror Member
since 2002-12-19
Posts 245 |
That was positively wonderful. A nice write and a nice read. One thing... at the end i think its "you're" not "your". Minor detail... ~cassi (btw, great name you have... mines cassiopeia but its close enough) |
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Silent Evincar Member
since 2003-07-22
Posts 179Here There and Places Between |
It seems so pure and innocent... I can't tell why. This piece made me feel good reading it... like I didn't have to stare it, just flow through it. Very nice... give yourself a pat on the back. NJS |
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PoetryIsLife 
since 2001-10-27
Posts 1763...in my boxers... |
This was enjoyable. Very sweet and cute, and it's not often I enjoy those, so well done.  I think it's length fits for the feel of the poem that is evident.My only suggestion would be to change the line "God needs me up above". Because if you're posting in Teen Pip, that line doesn't makes sense. Perhaps change it to "You never know when God will bring me home" or "My time may suddenly come" something along those lines. ~Titus  The few. The proud. The Marines. |
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kj Junior Member
since 2003-07-28
Posts 15Australia |
this is nice it flows well just the end i didn't like you should have left the last line off otherwise it just kinda stops short and ruins the flow. i don't that was just what i thought. but other then that i liked it |
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lingering thoughts Member
since 2003-05-03
Posts 70Illinois, USA |
Hey thanks for all the replies .. yeah i do agree w/ you the ending does stop suddenly and i didnt really like it but i couldnt think of how to put it ! lol CaSSandra* |
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Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Ahhhh... love. Once you realize it's there, you want to shout it from the rooftops and such. It sometimes takes a while to realize and admit, but once you do, it's all uphill. Good job.JC "Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me." |
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