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Teen Poetry #6
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A Little More (please read)
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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A Little More (please read) |
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lil cherry Member
since 2002-10-02
Posts 86Ont, Can. 
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They say I’m wasting away But I’m still not satisfied Just a little more here A little more there Don’t we all strive for perfection at something? What’s wrong with striving for it within myself? I’m living in a world of make believe Where I can be how I want to be Where that little bit can go away I’m so close and yet so far away Just a little more Just a few more pounds I’ll be happy soon I just need to even things out Reach that desired shape I’m so close Just a little more here A little more there Don’t tell me I’m wrong The mirror doesn’t lie July 19th, 2003 |
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| © Copyright 2003 Angel - All Rights Reserved | |||
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sixington Member
since 2003-07-14
Posts 53Utah |
angsty... Wow. you... so honest. i really liked it, its so true. Its just really good. I liked the "within myself" line, it really gave it character. very nice. |
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BabieDoll Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268BFE |
I really liked this...and I can relate more than I'd like to say. You did a great job hun. ~J.Lynn  "In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..." |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
hmmm...pretty good. I can feel your anger, it had a nice flow. " a little more here, a little more there." I liked that line. ~Lex..  |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
ooohhhhhhh*chill rolls up spine and toes curl* ahhh yes, sickening perfection, youve got my vote. good write. |
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Silent Evincar Member
since 2003-07-22
Posts 179Here There and Places Between |
Alright, you want perfection. More questions and then give me answers; even if there wrong to you. Thats all I would say anyway. |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK |
I loved the way you made the subject of the poem sound like he/she genuinely meant it. It gave a determined, but disturbing quality to it. That's presuming its not a personal thing. Well done anyways. Ellie  I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged! |
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lil cherry Member
since 2002-10-02
Posts 86Ont, Can. |
thanks for all the replies and the compliments. to EleanorMoonbaby the subject of this poem does really want it, it's entirely genuine, all of my poems are personal. i only write from personal experiences, i figure i have no right to write about anything else, it's only things i've lived that i can truly understand. |
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Star T Member
since 2002-07-12
Posts 182Philadelphia, US |
i loved ur poem.it was well put together.but i have a little advice for u though(hope u dont mind) dont get obsessed with losing weight trust me that thing can hurt u real bad.and always remember that its what inside that really mattters not how u look on the outside.anyone who truly loves u will see the u within. |
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Rise of Truth Member
since 2003-07-12
Posts 59Beneath the Fury Sun |
"Chalking your own outline, is easier than you think". I always say, with a sort of sacastic remorse. "Our child is in your hands |
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eor Senior Member
since 2002-09-26
Posts 959blues & greys |
powerful... "in a past life i was a woodcarver's knife: the sharpend blade of a wood cutter, the eldest son of the chief's brother: a maker of drums" |
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Riley 
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
know that feeling all too well, this was a very descriptive piece, and a well enjoyed one.... riley *the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time* |
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