Product of Division - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

Teen Poetry #6

Product of Division

Obsolete
Junior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 43

0 posted 2003-07-18 11:51 AM

I thought about it
about last night
And even I
One who has been there
still has fears
As I was serenaded
by your accented voice
I couldn't help
but compare you to the past
It's only natural of me
yet so unfair to you
But I'll press on hesitantly
knowing that unlike her
You take your medicine

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

1 posted 2003-07-18 04:26 PM

woah, I loved that. Especially the end. That was really great. I enjoyed it.
keep postin'
~Lex..

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2003-07-18 09:02 PM

Ouch, that could be a burn. Good write though

... Even though you're gone ...

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

3 posted 2003-07-18 09:34 PM

I really liked the imagery here.
I'm not sure if the end is meant litterally or metaphorically. I will choose to believe the latter as I feel the former twists it slightly superficially.

The only thing I would say is try some punctuation, it just makes things flow better and it makes it easier for the reader to really get the meaning behind it.

Well done though

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

Obsolete
Junior Member

since 2003-06-27

Posts 43

4 posted 2003-07-18 10:48 PM

Lack of punctuation was intended.

Thanks for the replies.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

5 posted 2003-07-19 02:07 AM

Fair Enough.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

6 posted 2003-07-20 01:26 AM

Obsolete~
This is a nicely penned piece.
I especially enjoyed this part...

"As I was serenaded
by your accented voice
I couldn't help
but compare you to the past"

Those lines just kind of brought the poem to life for me.
Well done.
~Vicky

it is better to be a part of beauty
for one instant and then cease to
exist than to exist forever
and never be a part of beauty
-- Don Marquis

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.