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Petey
Junior Member

since 2002-12-16

Posts 27
Idaho, USA

0 posted 2003-07-16 06:00 PM

Your Control

You broke my will,
You broke my spirit,
But I need you still.
Sometimes I think I will never stay,
But that's not how I feel.
I will never go away.
Freedom to me is not real.

This life of mine is not my own.
I do not know what it is to be me,
To be free.
I don't know what a free life is supposed to be.
I am not prepared
To lead my own life.
I'm too scared,
Because your control is all I know.

If I am not myself,
Who am I?
What standards am I supposed to live by?
Your standards, am I supposed to live by those?
Or by ones that I chose?
That sounds good to me,
But of my own standards I don't have any.

This life of mine is not my own.
I do not know what it is to be me,
To be free.
I don't know what a free life is supposed to be.
I am not prepared
To lead my own life.
I'm too scared,
Because your control is all I know.

Who is the one controlling?
Why won't you acknowledge me?
Why can't I see you?
See if your love is existant.
See if your existances is true.
I want to know you.
Before my life is through.

This life of mine is not my own.
I do not know what it is to be me,
To be free.
I don't know what a free life is supposed to be.
I am not prepared
To lead my own life.
I'm too scared,
Because your control is all I know.

These thoughts of mine, (Or are they yours?)
Are driving me insane. (I'm gonna break.)
Everytime I think of you
I feel the pain. (Cut me deep.)
This is not my life to lose. (Hopelessly trapped.)

Give me back my life.
Give me my soul.
Let me loose from your control.
If you will not let me go.
Just let me know
That you are there
That you care.

This life of mine is not my own.
I know not what it is to be me,
To be free.
I do not know what a free life is supposed to be.
I am not prepared
To lead that life
Because I am scared.
Your control is all I know.

© Matthew Peterson 2003

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

1 posted 2003-07-16 06:36 PM

Nice... very nice.

The only thing I would object to is the fact that you wrote it as a song - with a chorus in between each verse. It detracts from the poem and leaves the reader skipping over choruses to the next verse.

Other than that... I'll be looking for more!

-Lioness

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

2 posted 2003-07-16 10:34 PM

I agree with lioness about the whole chorus thing, I found myself somewhat bored with this piece because of that interfering factor. lines I liked and could relate to: "freedom to me is not real." "your control is all I know."
I liked it overall, it was a nice piece.
~Lex

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