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LoveBug

Moderator

Member Elite

since 2000-01-08

Posts 4697

0 posted 2002-10-14 06:36 PM

Heh... most of you probably don't know me. It's been awhile since I've visited this forum... I hope you like this one.
~~~~~~

I turned around and there you were
You took away the dark
You reached right out and easily
You snatched away my heart

Perfection came to existence
Through those summer days and nights
We laughed, we cried, we learned and loved
And a new me came to life

I thought you were a gift to me
My prize for all the pain
I thought that I'd come through it all
But now, it's just the same

I turned around and you were gone
You took away the light
And now I stumble in the dark
I scratch and bleed and fight

I wonder if the light went out
Or shines on in another place
I wonder if I should look for you
Another time, another space…

Or should I just let go, my dear?
Yes… I’ll walk away
They say that I am better
And you’ll regret your words someday

But I cannot honestly say
That if you turned around today
Reached out to me, called out my name
That I wouldn’t take you back to stay

But I turn around
And you’re still gone…

Most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us.

Marshalzu

Member Elite

since 2001-02-15

Posts 2681
Lurking

1 posted 2002-10-14 06:45 PM

It's good to see you posting again Erica, I really liked this poem although it was quite sad, it was very well written and I enjoyed the read

Andrew

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2002-10-14 07:00 PM

I liked this poem and can relate to it with everything that is me. That is why the poem made me mad at you. I used to live life for somebody and put myself second....and through that view I killed my soul. You shouldn't commit the same mistake Erica, you're smarter than I was when I was a kid going through that.

Good luck, and great poem!

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

Child of the Stars

Senior Member

since 2000-09-07

Posts 1658
Ann Arbor, MI

3 posted 2002-10-14 09:06 PM

But you're still here...

I missed you, Erica...and I'm very glad to see you posting. Hope you haven't stopped writing while you've been away...kick booty poem, by the way.

~Carly

"My own eyes are not enough for me; I will see through a thousand and yet remain myself..."
~C.S. Lewis

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

4 posted 2002-10-14 11:49 PM

Oh I really love this... you have a great flow, I like how you started out with a ballad format but then slowly transisted away from it, extending certain lines, shortening others...

The flow of this piece is very credible. It is a bit broken in some places but that's alright, it doesn't take away from the poem at all.

I can't help wondering who this is about... probably that guy you're griping about in the other threads. Then again, there must be tons of them...

Love your new pic, by the way. Welcome back to Passions, Erica.

Brian

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

cherish
Senior Member

since 2001-03-25

Posts 1639
swimming in fairy floss...........

5 posted 2002-10-15 02:19 AM

Hey Erica,

I can't really lash out at this, cuz there's nothing wrong with it

Keep posting chicka,

Are you scared? BOO! Are you now?

knightlyshadows
Senior Member

since 2001-04-14

Posts 791
obscured vision

6 posted 2002-10-15 04:04 PM

Hey Erica

It's good seeing your face back in pip. It was missed much. Beautiful write dear. Great flow and wording. Even if it is a sad topic. Loved the whole thing, but this lil part really struck out to me:

quote:
And now I stumble in the dark
I scratch and bleed and fight

Keep writing Erica, and stick around this time. *sits on you* ;p
Tiff

“A single choice can build destinies, or destroy them.”

Getting away, isn't Running away.

"The hurt that you try to hide, is killing me."

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

7 posted 2002-10-15 05:15 PM

I loved the way you kinda fell into a rhyme scheme- those parts flowed extremely well! I understand the pain in this...but you know what they say, "tis better to have loved and lost..."

Of course I remember you Erica.

Welcome home.
Jenn

Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving?

vlraynes
Member Rara Avis

since 2000-07-25

Posts 8229
Somewhere... out there...

8 posted 2002-10-20 03:57 PM

Erica~
This is a beautifully written piece of your heart.
You are doing some of your best writing right now,
and I'm really appreciating the depth of emotion
in your poetry.
Keep on writing and I'll keep reading.
It's great to have you back 'home'.
Hugs,
~Vicky

"...until you have read the verse on his heart,
you have not truly met the poet.
~vlraynes

ShadyMakaveli
Member

since 2002-08-21

Posts 128

9 posted 2002-10-20 07:59 PM

I loved this, i really think it's amazing the affect a person can have on another, and the emotions that can be created cause of it. And i loved your rhyming, it thought it was great, keep up the good work, i'm looking forward to more from you.

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