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Rise of Truth
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 59
Beneath the Fury Sun

0 posted 2003-07-14 05:18 AM

Monster

Rose like a creep
A BEAST
Over delicate undressed you
I robbed your youth,
Fallen,
LIKE A PETAL
From a flower unclothed
That cold concrete your blood
HAST SPILT UNTO,
Your heart has become my food
Girlish innocence is sweet upon it,
Your soul’s sugar I taste off your lips
I NOW POSSESS,
With all the rest of you,
Remember whose wailing begged who
Your weakness only a garnish to entice
THIS HUNGER,
A two-eyed raincloud drowns your sleeves
Why my dear do you cry,
I’VE ANSWERED YOUR PRAYER.

I am the prophet
Harbinger of what you fear the most
Your enemy of belligerent honesty
Destroyer of your livelihood, built on falsehood

collarbone_girl
Junior Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 45
Wonderland

1 posted 2003-07-14 09:11 AM

this is good. ever so slightly twisted though! you have a good sense of words, very flow-y, if ya get what i mean!

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

2 posted 2003-07-14 09:35 AM

I think this poem was amazing but...should I say...eery?! You explain it how I feel a lot of "little" boys would view it; they take and leave. But you did an excellent job with the word play in this poem and I enjoyed reading it.

~J.Lynn

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

Alnilam
Member

since 2003-07-04

Posts 75

3 posted 2003-07-14 10:52 AM

so through the tears of memories, i congratualte you on a well written, accurate poem...good job

~*Alnilam*~
"The worst tragedy for a poet is to be admired through being misunderstood."

sixington
Member

since 2003-07-14

Posts 53
Utah

4 posted 2003-07-14 01:31 PM

This poem is kind of creepy, but its very good. it kind of draws you in, i like it.

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-07-14 03:27 PM

twisted..in a good way. I loved it. love your style.
~lex

Adam Alexander
Junior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 11
Home...

6 posted 2003-07-15 12:46 PM

Interesting...You seem to have much regret, or anger for the 'truth'...and I didnt get that impression for your poem, either.

Rise of Truth
Member

since 2003-07-12

Posts 59
Beneath the Fury Sun

7 posted 2003-07-15 06:13 AM

No one has the right to be angry at the truth.

Adam Alexander
Junior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 11
Home...

8 posted 2003-07-15 03:39 PM

I believe everyone does. However, they do not have the right to change it.

AngelShell
Member

since 2000-03-01

Posts 446
not heaven nor hell so...

9 posted 2003-07-18 06:40 PM

I agree...people can be angry at the truth, it's when they try to change it that they inevitably screw something up.

I liked the read, it was good although I'm not a big fan on the captilization of alternate lines, I think it gives a harsh reality to something that, in this case, would better suit a soft acceptance...
The thoughts were good and the message was conveyed expertly.

~I haven't memorized all of the cute things to say but I'm working on it~

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

10 posted 2003-07-24 10:47 PM

I agree about the capitalization. I really like your harshness. I love the discomfort when I read your stuff. It's almost genius.

~cassi

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

11 posted 2003-07-24 11:46 PM

twisted indeed, but the world is twisted, now isnt it? good onnnneeeee.

Silent Evincar
Member

since 2003-07-22

Posts 179
Here There and Places Between

12 posted 2003-07-25 12:44 PM

Alright I liked the whole consumption going on in this piece; nice way to invite us into those bold words. I'm not sure wether they should have started a new stanza(bold words) or linked the whole meal portion together. The important part is I liked it and obviously many did to. Good Job.

NJS

StraightFromTheHeart
New Member

since 2003-07-24

Posts 7
In a computer chair on mi butt.......

13 posted 2003-07-25 11:59 PM

Hey! Luv this! Good! Twisted! Nice work!!!

.:.*Muah*.:.

Behind mi smile liez a broken heart!

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

14 posted 2003-07-26 12:11 PM

Very much enjoyed and very very teisted!
-ash

I wear my crown of thorns
on my liar's chair
full of broken thoughts
I cannot repair
-Johnny Cash ( Music & Lyrics:
Trent Reznor)

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