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Teen Poetry #6

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dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

0 posted 2003-06-27 06:55 PM

can I...
words stop in contemplation
of my stupidity, and
emmense lack of courage

you look so...
frightened, for fear of
wrong chosen words,
or those of great nothingness

damn...
these words that do all,
except break this thin ice,
between her... and I

© Copyright 2003 dertah - All Rights Reserved

SEA

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Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2003-06-27 09:35 PM

whoa! this is a fantastic write

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2003-06-27 09:40 PM

I agree... NICE job on that. First time in awhile I've seen real format followed so neatly.

I definitely look forward to seeing more.

-Lioness

Skyfire

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Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

3 posted 2003-06-28 08:43 PM

Very impressed here...

It is said the Creator has taken a handful of South Wind and given each newborn Arabian the power of flight without wings

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

4 posted 2003-06-29 06:04 PM

It takes talent to pack so much creativity and emotion into such a brief piece. You did an amazing job. I loved this one.
~Kay~

Just wanna be funny,looks like the joke's on me.
So call me Captain Backfire.

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

5 posted 2003-06-29 11:31 PM

Since I haven't read your works before,
Welcome to piptalk!!

Excellent poem, I really like the way you began the first stanza.
Well done.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

6 posted 2003-07-04 08:08 PM

thanx for all the posotive replies.

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