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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2003-06-27 01:07 AM

The gentle breeze distantly carries
a familiar scent...
   Can't quite place it...

A whisp of dust rises up behind my footsteps to
an unknown destination...
   Searching for a place...

Searching for a safe place to break down
to let go of everything...
   To rebuild my shelter...

An eagle cries overhead as it soars
so incredibly free it looks...
   Wish I could fly away too...

But here I am stuck on the ground
to deal with all the pain...


         That follows me everywhere.....

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

[This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (06-27-2003 01:44 PM).]

peachesNcream
Senior Member

since 2001-08-21

Posts 513
Ocean Of Tears

1 posted 2003-06-27 02:42 AM

Great work. This has good imagery...! ~Jess

"If I could give you one gift it would be my eyes...So you could see how it feels to be me looking at you." -Unknown

BabieDoll
Member

since 2003-02-13

Posts 268
BFE

2 posted 2003-06-27 11:09 AM

I *really* liked this Staci! Beautifully written. I do have one comment to make, though ( and usually I don't critique ): the last sentence of all your stanzas seem to be chopped thoughts. They aren't full sentences...except this one "To rebuild my shelter..." In my opinion, you should take out the 'to' or reword the line. I just saw a pattern and this line kind of broke it. But hey, it's fine as is too. LOL.

Love ya!

~J.Lynn

P.S. The first stanza was my favorite!LOL.

"In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..."

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

3 posted 2003-06-27 01:31 PM

The imagery in this was awesome. As with all your work, I love it. Thanks for the read.

-Jen

I'd rather be hated for who I am than loved for who I am not. -Kurt Cobain

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

4 posted 2003-06-27 03:18 PM

Hmm...I like this. The way you ended it reminded me of how I've ended poems before. But I like this...very nice work. I think the first stanza is my favorite! But the whole thing's awesome. Nice job! Love's.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

5 posted 2003-06-28 08:48 PM

I KNOW this... well expressed!

It is said the Creator has taken a handful of South Wind and given each newborn Arabian the power of flight without wings

Kandi
Member

since 2000-06-14

Posts 354
North of Hell

6 posted 2003-06-29 03:52 PM

Seems like everyone liked the first stanza best...I have to agree. It just stood out for some reason. The whole thing is great...the imagery really made it seem realistic.
~Kay~

The day you were born, you were born free
That is your privilege.

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