wish i had u (what i can't say to the girl that holds my heart)

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Teen Poetry #6

wish i had u (what i can't say to the girl that holds my heart)

poeticfighter
New Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 7

0 posted 2003-06-21 03:55 PM

if u know how i felt
would it change th future family tree
would u risk having a guaranteed better life
to be together with me

so close to my heart
so close i can feel
the heart of one who loves
but is it...is it me

such beauty beheld my heart
oh please let this be fate
eyes that are shy yet deep
and a smile that's worth the wait.

what hurts me the most
even while old wounds heal
i don't know how you look at me
i don't know how you feel

i know that i seem anxious
but from my heart this is true
i really want want to be in a position
where only god can take me away from U.

SEA

Moderator

Member Seraphic

since 2000-01-18

Posts 22676
with you

1 posted 2003-06-21 05:44 PM

awwww...oh my gosh, you should give this to her, tell her, let her know

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2003-06-21 05:49 PM

'Lo there. Welcome.

I seem to be saying this to an awful lot of people lately... but I'm gonna say it again, just in case someone missed it.

In my own personal opinion, slang and IM language has no place among poetry. And generally, if you really want people to read and reply to your work, it's better to write out all your words and edit your work for spelling and grammar BEFORE you post it. 'Cause if you don't care enough to, why should we?

Alright, now that I have my lecturing over with... ;p

I can see you're going to be another wonderful addition to piptalk. You have wonderful thoughts... and you're turning into a great writer. Your rhyme and rhythm is nearly perfect... and I think most of us can identify with your theme.

Remember that sometimes when we want to be with someone so bad, yet we can't... it's because there's someone way, way better out there for us. And I know it doesn't feel like anyone could be better... but that's what people keep telling me, anyway.

Keep on writing...

-Lioness

Albino_Jenn
Member

since 2003-03-03

Posts 105
Ontario, Canada

3 posted 2003-06-21 05:54 PM

Awwwwww, you're such a sweetheart, you should really tell her how you feel, I am sure she would be flattered, and she may even like you!! Good luck in love my friend, I think we all need a bit of luck everyone once in a while. There should be more sweet guys out there like you!!Good poem, I really like it, it's really from the heart!!Good Job
Jenn

**It's better to be hated for who you are, than loved for who you are not**

Match
Member

since 2002-07-01

Posts 286
Canada Edmonton

4 posted 2003-06-22 03:50 PM

cuteness

Great loved it!

I'm just kickin it up

poeticfighter
New Member

since 2003-06-08

Posts 7

5 posted 2003-07-15 08:53 AM

sorry about the slang was trying to finish it before the internet time ran out
...........

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