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Teen Poetry #6
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Lover's Loss
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Lover's Loss |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA 
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-=Lover's Loss=- As the clouds cast their shadows upon my sun-kissed face the wind tangles my blonde locks and the motionless swing begins to sway A single tear slides down my cheek onto the hands of time silent whispers of a love once so unconditional lost amongst my insecurities Tonight the stars are hiding the angels silently sleep my breath is growing colder as i close my eyes awaiting a better day --I wrote this on a whim of feeling, and now I'm not sure I like it  it's pretty raw emotion, coming from me atleast.I don't know..I'm not too happy with it**You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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| © Copyright 2003 Kiley - All Rights Reserved | |||
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Ratleader
since 2003-01-23
Posts 7026Visiting Earth on a Guest Pass |
....pssst....a little suggestion....be sure...like it, because it's quite good.... Emotion's a good thing, if you show it rather than just exclaiming it. You did that well here, with just the right imagery and internal movement to carry the feeling and help the reader feel it for themselves. No flies on this at all. ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸¸¸ºº> ~~(¸¸ ¸¸ºº> ~~~(¸¸ER¸¸ºº> |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Aw hun, I hope everything's ok  It's beautiful, as usual... you haven't lost any talent/technique/anything whatsoever. Thank you for sharing (it's going in my library k?)My name is Batman... but my friends call me Bob |
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DancinQueen
since 2000-07-29
Posts 1092Kokomo,IN,USA |
thanks guys  **You can't always trust the people you want to** |
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