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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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The CF Clinic |
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EleanorMoonbaby Member
since 2002-09-02
Posts 202England, UK 
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This whole pathetic place screams "Cystic Fibrosis". Little kids next to their parents wait for blood tests. Parents wonder why their kid isn't normal. Me? I wait for the same irritating, patronising nurse I always have. The one who weighs and measures me ("Well done, you've gained some weight") And refers me to Dr Sheldon. Sheldon is OK. He tells me how I'm doing nicely Like I'm some sort of Roasted dinner. It's time for those witches to take my blood. They think that those pictures of cartoon vampires on the wall will make me see this whole thing as one big funny joke. Yeah. I find my life force being drained into some test tube hilarious. I'm going home. Arm hurts, but I love my mother. She buys me a chicken baguette from the canteen To eat on the way home. "Last night, I had a dream that I went to the doctors, and she gave me eight minutes to live. I'd spent thirty minutes in the [edited by moderator] waiting room"- S [This message has been edited by quietlydying (10-20-2002 07:25 PM).] |
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| © Copyright 2002 Eleanor Warren - All Rights Reserved | |||
Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Wow this was pretty passionate. I don't know. I really really liked it. Pretty amazing, in my opinion.  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Very nicely done... I found this extremely touching, it triggered a genuine emotional response in me somehow. Like the ending of that movie "the grinch who stole christmas." Local Parasite's heart grew three sizes that day. Well, maybe not three... heh... I think you could have elaborated the ending a little bit more, maybe added a bit more to the poem. It was also written quite literally, aside from your use of similies... Well, hope to see you posting around here more, El. Great work as usual. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
This reads like prose not poetry. I think you could reformat this and write a good short story. Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
beautiful...thanx for the read...  Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
and where have you been hiding casey? /jen/ i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
/jen/ - look at how imperfect the world is. I'm sure it keeps miss Casey very busy.  |
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clve527 Member
since 2002-07-08
Posts 200 |
I know I haven't been missed much. Casey If all you want is emotion, go down to walmart, buy yourself a diary and hide it in a drawer where no one can see... |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
* laughs * haha Parasite, Hi Casey!!!!!!  Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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quietlydying
since 2001-06-10
Posts 935the wonderful land of oz |
uh... no comment. /jen/ i just haven't been the same since that house fell on my sister. |
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