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Teen Poetry #6
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Not titled yet....
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Not titled yet.... |
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peachesNcream Senior Member
since 2001-08-21
Posts 513Ocean Of Tears |
Come home to wash off the day at work, The drag of unsteady hours, Lousy coffee from a secluded stop, Along the drive to so called hell, Cigarette in hand, Clouding the musty kitchen, Dust flies up and shows through the window, The sun reflects through... I started writing this a few days and I really have no idea where to go with it so a few suggestions would be really appreciated! Thanks...* "If I could give you one gift it would be my eyes...So you could see how it feels to be me looking at you." -Unknown |
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| © Copyright 2003 Jessica Dodson - All Rights Reserved | |||
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NickTofteland Member
since 2003-06-13
Posts 74MN, USA |
This starter-piece painted the picture of a middle-aged man pondering the life that he leads. I can see him walking into the place he calls his home, sullen and slow, setting down his day's needs only to hang his head in front of the evenings falling sun. The start you have is very good, as it is very visual... I would suggest possibly going on to tell about what questions/cares he holds in his heart. Good start... I'm anxious to see where it leads! Psalms 20:7 "Some trust in chariots and some in horses, but we trust in the name of the Lord our God." |
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