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Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

0 posted 2002-10-12 10:59 AM

I thought I'd make
your every wish
    come true
But I'm not
    a angel
    a goddess
just a girl
in love with you.

I thought I'd give you
everything you needed,
everything you wanted,

but do you need it?
Do you want it?

Yeah do ya need it baby
yeah..yeah..yeah...
do you need it baby....

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

Local Parasite

Member Elite

since 2001-11-05

Posts 2527
Transylconia, Winnipeg

1 posted 2002-10-12 12:14 PM

I've read this about three times and I still can't comprehend what you intended with the immense shift at the very end...

Is it a departure from the devotional to the sexual...? Are you trying to show the deterioration of relationship into something physical?

Please clear this up for me.

Oh and if you're wondering if this means I like it, then yes, I like poetry that leaves me thinking.

Parasite

Learn to place poetry before people
Before you place your poetry before the people.
~Andrey Kneller

Dopey Dope

Moderator

Member Patricius

since 2000-08-30

Posts 11132
San Juan, Puerto Rico

2 posted 2002-10-12 03:53 PM

I really really really liked this poem, but the ending completely confused me. The style was completely different. You went from "you's" to "ya's" and I was a bit shocked. Anyhow, I still feel the poem has a lot of feeling in it. Well done

This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'.

clumsy
Member

since 2002-10-10

Posts 106
canada.

3 posted 2002-10-12 06:05 PM

reminds me of me.

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

4 posted 2002-10-13 10:14 AM

LP- well, when i wrote it, it kinda had a beat in the background, like a song, and it was about a friend that i thought i could give him w/e he wanted, and it turns out, he said he already had everything he wanted-me.so idk, it was just something i wrote ...o well
Dopey~i'm glad u liked it, the "yous" and "yas" was just how i was thinking in my head..so thats how it came out. sorry if it confused u.
Clumsy~glad u liked it

You can close your eyes to things you dont want to see,but u cant close your heart to things you dont want to feel.

[This message has been edited by Spine Grinder (10-13-2002 10:15 AM).]

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