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Abecedarian Poem
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Abecedarian Poem |
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Imajica Junior Member
since 2002-09-16
Posts 14NM, USA |
Atrocity empowered by my mind Bumbling for reasons to justifly anger Chaos and confusion Damned because theres to much Emotion, allowing to much Feeling, trying to kill my content with you Giving more than I beleive I recieve Hungry for a little regularity I'm making myself mad Justifing why I'm a jerk to you Killing my chances Loosing my place Making you think twice Not wanting to come back Opression of you Pressing you out in my confusiong Quit thinking about it Reoccuring when I'm disapointed Starting when its not what I wanted, expected To you I'm a jerk Urging you to question me, knowing I'll be silent Verifing it by my refusla to cooperate What I want is to notthink about it x-ray my mind You'll find my heart Zipping between what I want and what I'm "Is there a superintendent of the spaceship, Luke" |
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| © Copyright 2002 Teresa Mueller - All Rights Reserved | |||
Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
"what I want and what I'm" is very cool... I was looking for the missing word, until I realized it meant "what I am." Way to keep me guessing.  I think for critiques, I have to say there's too many "ing" words. It seems to ramble. Try and cut it up a bit more, into smaller pieces, and phrase each one independently. You'll have more success with flow that way, and the poem will probably sound a lot better too. Keep writing. Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
Man! If I didn't read Local's first line on the reply I would have just stayed there like ".................huh?" Nicely done. I liked the poem, but don't do that again!  Hope to see more  This post has been brought to you by the 'Totally Awesome Society of Puerto Rican Egotistical Sexy Men'. |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
LOL! I agree with all of the above...I read it and was like what...then I read Parasite and Dopey's reply and was like o yea.....  Great job! Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
For some reason, my warped mind actually picked up on the "I'm" thing. Groovy! |
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