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Teen Poetry #6
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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Garage Sale |
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Allysa 
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden 
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Behind the vaccum cleaner that never worked is a telephone with missing numbers and a junked up fish tank with half the rocks by a frying pan without the handle. And the records on the table next to it all play the same boring Christmas Songs trying to remind people of happy times when everything never went wrong. Next to the lime green wallpaper is a pink stove and a purple chair a broken whatchamacallit and a cherry red Santa Claus statue that stares at you from across the room paralyzing you with its stare. In the middle of it all, on a broken wooden table sits a clump of red I call my heart with a price tag of fifty cents. Do you think I'm charging too much? I got bored so I made this up... it's not my best piece, but with a little revision.... who knows. "Tourists are terrorists with cameras. Terrorists are tourists with guns."~Anon. |
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| © Copyright 2003 Allysa - All Rights Reserved | |||
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SimpleDiscourse Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 79 |
I liked it. The ending was good, it gave a nice little spin on something otherwise simple. Nice job. |
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*Belabebeautiful*
since 2003-01-03
Posts 696washington, USA |
Yes!! Loved this! the end just completely threw me for a loop! I so wasn't expecting that I was thinking oh it's just about some long ago memories or something silly like that and then wham!! I love it!! Two points, good job, bravo ect...!:smiles: ~Live and Laugh~ The problem with resisting temptation is you never know if you'll get the chance again ~Bella~ [This message has been edited by *Belabebeautiful* (07-10-2003 10:29 PM).] |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Wow. Allysa... wow. Skyfire owns you - Stinky Twinky |
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Obsolete Junior Member
since 2003-06-27
Posts 43 |
Very nice. |
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Alnilam Member
since 2003-07-04
Posts 75 |
i agree with the ...WOW!...great job. i loved it and the wonderful twist of an ending.  ~*Alnilam*~ |
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Lexy Senior Member
since 2003-01-28
Posts 1038California |
woah...way to get bored. It sure did bring you a great poem. I loved this..very unique. ~Lex  |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Uhhh.. thanks. |
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BabieDoll Member
since 2003-02-13
Posts 268BFE |
I really liked this poem a lot. You're imagery was awesome. I could envision this whole picture perfectly. Great job! ~J.Lynn  "In life you must dance like no one is watching, sing like no one is listening and love like it's never going to hurt..." |
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sixington Member
since 2003-07-14
Posts 53Utah |
Nicely done. its honest. |
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collarbone_girl Junior Member
since 2003-07-14
Posts 45Wonderland |
it was good, if not somewat contrived. i think the little rhymey bits spoiled it, but all round, well done! |
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Jeremiah Johnson Senior Member
since 2000-06-08
Posts 1223Brooksville, Fl, U.S |
a very good write about something so simple. you seem to have a talent for taking things most people don't look at and turning them into great pieces of work. I'm a dying romantic and when i can no longer write i can no longer live -Jeremiah Johnson- |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
It was very cool until the very, very, very lame ending. Geez... |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Gee, thanks brian, I think I am going to go cry now... *sobs* *sniffles* "you hurt my feelings, I'm going to tell my mommy on you" *runs away* lol. Anyway, I hate this... it is time for some desperate rewriting because this makes me want to gag. |
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Cinderelly Member
since 2001-12-31
Posts 189NM, USA |
I loved this! It's was a cool poem with a great twist @ the end . . . Good job! |
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dertah Senior Member
since 2003-06-18
Posts 584 |
excellent creativity here, very nice work. |
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