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| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Kevin
since 1999-11-02
Posts 729Torrington, Ct, Usa 
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Sun- rise here we go again eyes are slowly opening why cant I just close them and try to stay here frozen in time the aching grows in my mind I feel it close and un- wind someone throw me up a sign is this our world or just mine a hand me down to the blind- from those already in line waiting to see if De- vine is just a word or de- sign it cant be worth all the grind the stress of the dollar sign next time I’m out on the line can’t promise I wont resign I'm on my feet, I'm on the floor, I'm good to go |
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| © Copyright 2002 Kevin Bednarz - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu 
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
Ooh I liked the format you used, this is a brilliant poem and flowed wonderfully, I really enjoyed the read thanks for sharing. Andrew |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Hm, I dunno about this, Kevin... it gave me sore eyes from all the darting around I had to do while reading this. Visually I don't really like the layout. I think it's a neat concept for a poem, and I see how necessary it is for you to have certain individual words connected equally to both adjacent lines... The rhyme was repetitive, but you still did a good job keeping it creative and in context. You should try some of the harder rhyming formats, like villanelle, and see what you can churn out... Nice work nonetheless. I'd like to see a way to make this easier on the eyes, but I'm not sure how that's possible. Might just be me anyways. quote: I like that part... it's spelled Divine though, unless you're talking about our admin Poet DeVine  Parasite Learn to place poetry before people |
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Skyfire
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
The format made me think, and I wasn't too cool with that, but for some reason I still like the format  *thinks* yeah. |
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anya Member
since 2002-07-27
Posts 393London, UK |
I also liked the format, it seemed to work with what you were saying somehow, anyway I liked this poem very much, Anya |
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
I loved this poem.Especially the whole devine part. Every time I read your stuff..you blow me away. The format was a bit confusing but it was still amazing. Another good one. great job, Kev. *allison* |
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