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spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

0 posted 2003-05-31 05:38 PM

I can see you everytime I close my eyes
When I go to sleep your there
You are the most prominent memory I have
And I wonder why your there
How come your not here with me
To watch as I grow up
To see me date
And go to the prom
Why are you not here
Your supposed to protect me
From all the pain I'm in
Yet you are not here
You are a thing of my past
A memory in every dream
You scare me into numbness
I dont know what to do
Should i talk to someone
Should i keep it to myself
No one will understand
If I tell them the truth
I'll just be put into a mental hospital
And doped up on drugs
I dont know what to do
You are the only one that would understand
I need help and guidance
But I have no one to turn to
You were the only one
But now your just a memory
I miss so very much
And I don’t understand
Why are you gone
Are you gone forever
Please I need to know
I need to be let go
I’m scared of you but I’m not
And I don’t understand
Why do I feel this way
It’s like walking on a high wire
One gust of wind
And I would fall
And I know that my friends would catch me
If I gave them the chance
But I don’t know if I should trust them
Or even if I can
Please GOD just answer my question
I really need to know
Why is he gone
How come he is not here
Why is he in every dream
And in every word I hear
I miss him
And I love him
Even after what he did
Don’t let him leave forever
Cause I really need him around
I’m sorry for every thing I’v done
I’ll try to follow the rules
But I have one request
I would like to talk to him
And to let him know the truth
I’m not mad and I love him

spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

1 posted 2003-05-31 06:29 PM

authors note
besides the fact that i cant spell. i know this is long and very deep. please try not to overlook it if you have any questions about it e-mail me at spritrider87@yahoo.com ill be happy to answer them.

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2003-05-31 09:35 PM

Welcome.

I promise you'll find lots of people here who would love to care about you... all you have to do is care back.

For all the passion and feeling you put into it, it was amazing. I could say something about the format, and the rhyme, and meter, and rhythm, and all that stuff that makes poetry technically right... but I think maybe you should leave it... I'm afraid if you tried changing it any, it would lose some of the intensity.

Hope you start feelin' better soon.

-Lioness

spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

3 posted 2003-06-01 11:51 AM

thanks. there is alot that has been put into this poem. and i dont follow any of the rules of poetry anyways. it nevers works the way i want it to if i do. and i care about everyone and there feelings. what you said means alot

kaile

Member Ascendant

since 2000-02-06

Posts 5146
singapore

4 posted 2003-06-02 12:14 PM

welcome to passions, spritrider!

Intense is the word...you made me feel a little of the angst the character must be experiencing....

i have found writing to be therapeutic...i hope it works the same way for you...

write on! unleash all these dark emotions...

laurie
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 153
canada, ontario

5 posted 2003-06-02 12:27 PM

hey, little one. you ok?
l know ur hurting... lifes hard sometimes... but thats what places like this are for, isn't it, to get it all out in a safe place, where you're not going to be judged on right or wrong about the important things in life, as well as learn to write better? good work, and keep writing..
you'll get better... emotionally, physically, and in writing technique and style, though l like it the way it is...
laurie.
*hugsnkisses...* lol

spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

6 posted 2003-06-02 06:33 AM

kali
thanks for the write back. the poem is about me so i feel everything that is written down. and i will keep writing.

i am in trouble but no one knows it if you can figure out my messages thenhelp me.

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

7 posted 2003-06-02 12:28 PM

That poem was so intense. You seem to have many emotions and they are expressed very well. This poem does not fit normal poetic "form" but i think that if this poem was to conform to the standards, then it wouldn't show the emotions or make us feel the same as we read it. I think this was very well done. Don't stop writing, it has always helped me to express my feelings and you do so very well. I am sorry for the pain that you are feeling ( that is what I got out of the poem ). Great Poem! And last but not least Welcome to Passions!!
-Jeanette-

[This message has been edited by PrincessNets (06-02-2003 12:28 PM).]

spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

8 posted 2003-06-03 03:58 PM

thanks to everyone. i hoped people would like it. im gonna keep writing. dont know how much will end up here though. thanks for the support.

i am in trouble but no one knows it if you can figure out my messages thenhelp me.

Midnitesun

Member Empyrean

since 2001-05-18

Posts 28647
Gaia

9 posted 2003-06-07 01:59 PM

yes, please keep writing
and intense is good, for it helps you in the release, and helps us to understand and FEEL

spritrider87
Member

since 2003-05-31

Posts 294
NH

10 posted 2003-06-07 02:04 PM

thankyou so mch you guys. for the support. i dont like anything i write. i think it sucks. but now i see other people like it so ill continue to write.

i am in trouble but no one knows it if you can figure out my messages thenhelp me.

Riley

Senior Member

since 2002-07-18

Posts 1038
in the pouring rain

11 posted 2003-06-11 08:03 PM

you said something in your last reply, that because people like what you write that you will continue. well i think, that you shouldn't write for anyone, just for you. it should be your outlet to what ever you are feeling. sharing it with us here at passions is a blessing for us to read, but you should write because you need it and just for you, no matter what.( little rant....so pitiful )

ok onto the poem, i really liked this and it reminded me to much of what is going on with me and to tell the truth made me hurt more.....but thanks for that....i needed it....if you need to talk, e-mail me, mochachino513@netscape.net

i loved it....

riley leanne

*the bloody tide comes in on the shore, time after time*

[This message has been edited by Riley (06-11-2003 08:05 PM).]

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