Broken Fairy Tale - pipTalk Forums

How to Join	Member's Area	Private Library	Search	Sanctuary		Login
Main Forums	Discussion	Tech Talk	Mature Content	Archives	A home without a wall, Our haven without ends, A circle we all call Our Family of Friends!

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

0 posted 2003-05-28 09:53 PM

Old wounds, that for so long
I bathed in salt, holding on
to memories of the past, until I was
a cracked shell of my former self, so different
from how I used to be, not reaching
for the stars, but holding on
ti the life I thought I knew, trusting in what
can't be trusted, but I believed with
all my heart and soul, 'till the very bitter end
to our much too short love story, theres no
Happily ever after, only The End

~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-~-

I'm really not sure about this one. It's a different style of writing for me, and I'm not sure if I like it or not...Tell me what ya think.
-Jen

laurie
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 153
canada, ontario

1 posted 2003-05-28 11:05 PM

l don't think l've read any of your other stuff here, (l'm new) but l like this. lt seems like you're... mourning something. whatever it is, it touches the heart, and you've delivered it beautifully.
Laurie.
ps. thanx for a good read.

if life isn't what you want, view it throguh insanity's sheild, and you'll always have what you want...

l made that up:)

*Dark Princess*
Junior Member

since 2003-04-13

Posts 22
lost in the shadows

2 posted 2003-05-29 12:23 PM

I can relate i think...I get the feeling you want to hope and believe the lies, but it hurts when you know that they are fake...I always get so hopeful about things and then they never happen, so I don't like hope much...I really liked this though...A little different, but its nice to see some different styles...Jess

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

3 posted 2003-05-29 12:47 PM

I don't know that I've ever seen anything written quite like this... I really like how you've made it flow together so you can pretty much put line breaks anywhere and it still works... nice.

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

4 posted 2003-05-29 10:26 PM

Thanks to all who replied!

laurie: Yes, ina way I am mourning something, but it's something from my past that doesn't really bother me anymore. I seem to have gotten to apoint in my writing where I can write about something painful that actually doesn't hurt me anymore. It's weird but it helps me write so...yeah

::Jen::

Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their
ground. --Anonymous

Jenn Cirrincione

Member Elite

since 2000-07-02

Posts 2107
Fl

5 posted 2003-05-31 08:54 PM

I liked this. Strangely sad and disturbingly drawn out yet abrupt if that makes any sense.
Nice job.

"Now I'm convinced that he's heaven sent, and must be out of his mind- mama he's crazy, crazy over me."

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

6 posted 2003-06-01 10:13 AM

Very flowing piece, I like the style. Also, thumbs up for the title, it's ideal, perfect! I'm glad it's not hurting anymore but just feeding your writing, best way for it to be. Thanks for sharing this

Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

lingering thoughts
Member

since 2003-05-03

Posts 70
Illinois, USA

7 posted 2003-06-06 08:01 PM

hey I havent read any of your other poems to know what your style is , but I really like this poem & can relate to it ... I really like the first 2 lines:

Old wounds, that for so long
I bathed in salt, holding on

keep writing... I will look for more!

*Cassandra

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

8 posted 2003-06-07 12:17 PM

Different can be good, I really really loved this one, as I do so many of yours.
Well done!

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

Song_for_Serenity
Member

since 2003-05-28

Posts 97
USA

9 posted 2003-06-17 06:44 PM

Hey there! Great poem...very interesting style. Have a spiffy day!
~Angela

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

10 posted 2003-06-18 03:23 PM

Oh wow...I REALLY like this. Especially the style you wrote it in. The whole fairy tale thing was REALLY awesome. I especially love how you ended it.

"There is no Happily Ever After, only The End."

Such a beautiful peom, really. Perfection!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

frolicking dolphin
Member

since 2003-02-23

Posts 268
my own special world

11 posted 2003-06-18 05:42 PM

I really enjot reading your work and with this piece it was no different, it was a very sad, depressing poem, but very beautiful too. Poetry is fun because there is no definite form that you have to follow with your writing, nice work!

~*~Karen~*~

~Dream like you'll live forever,live like you'll die tomorrow~

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

12 posted 2003-06-18 08:49 PM

This one's going in my library if it isn't already there. I loved it just as much on the second read.
Well done again, thank you for sharing.

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

[This message has been edited by WinterWren (06-18-2003 08:51 PM).]

dertah
Senior Member

since 2003-06-18

Posts 584

13 posted 2003-06-18 09:58 PM

great work. it is always interesting to experiment with new writing styles.

DancinQueen

Senior Member

since 2000-07-29

Posts 1092
Kokomo,IN,USA

14 posted 2003-06-18 11:38 PM

Hey there

I, too, have not read anything by you before. Mainly because I hardly ever stop by anymore. But anyway, I really liked this. Jenn summed it up pretty well. I went/am going through this as we speak. It's rough, but writing makes you feel a little better. Keep up the great work

XoXo's ~ Kiley

**You can't always trust the people you want to**

	⇧ top of page ⇧
All times are ET (US). All dates are in Year-Month-Day format.