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Halcyon
Junior Member

since 2003-04-10

Posts 43
Arizona, USA

0 posted 2003-05-27 08:13 PM

Petal in the darkness,
Such a sweet fragrance
Carried by the wind
Into the illuminating light.

Petal in the darkness,
Delivery of hope;
Treading from the shadows
Thoughts beyond simple friendship.

Petal in the darkness,
Swept away and shunned
By the cold, callous touch
Of an uncaring hand.

Petal in the darkness,
Oh watch how it falls!
Fluttering like a heart
Forever lost in doldrums.

Petal in the darkness
Standing alone this eerie night-
Remnants of a lost love
That was never meant to be.

------------------------------------

I was thinking about something a couple nights ago: there's this friend I've sort of taken a liking to (well.. a BIG liking to) for a long time. So then I thought about emptying my heart to her, letting her know how I truly feel. But what will happen if things don't go as planned? What if things weren't they way they seemed? Now I am afraid.

ESP
Member Elite

since 2000-01-25

Posts 2556
Floating gently on a cloud....

1 posted 2003-05-27 08:20 PM

It's always SO hard when you get feelings for a friend....I guess because so much is at stake. This poem is great, beautifully expressed. Relationships based on friendships are often the strongest, as they have a great base to build on...however...taking the plunge is something both sides have to be happy with doing and that is rarer. I wish you all the best of luck with this. The only advice I would give you is follow your heart. Make sure you and your "gut" are in agreement on this one. Only you can know that. Hugz to you, this is a great poem and I hope great things will come of your feelings...
Luv, Liz xxx

"Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~

Skyfire

Member Elite

since 2000-12-27

Posts 3381
Riding

2 posted 2003-05-27 08:27 PM

Aww *big hugs* I've been there, I think most people in the world have been there. but you know what? As much as it's hard to see it right now, the friendship is worth more than any romance. By all means follow your heart, if you think you need to tell her how you feel then do so. But if she feels the same way consider carefully whether or not you want to risk losing the friendship if/when you break up.
As for your poem, it's very well written, the only thing that I felt took away from it was the repetition of the first line every stanza. That kind of diverted my attention away from the poem for some reason. It's a good write though

Halcyon
Junior Member

since 2003-04-10

Posts 43
Arizona, USA

3 posted 2003-05-29 12:03 PM

Ok, I'll try rewriting it without the repetition and see how it goes. Thanks for the feedback!

Spine Grinder
Senior Member

since 2000-10-28

Posts 1127
Standing In Silence...

4 posted 2003-05-29 05:35 PM

Yeah, I agree with the repetition thing. But I did like this a lot. good job.

If You Wanna See A Rainbow, You've Gotta Live Through The Rain. And If You Wanna See Through Love, You've Gotta Live Through The Pain.

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

5 posted 2003-05-29 08:22 PM

I enjoyed this. This was a very beautiful poem. I think it flowed really well, too. Nice write.

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

WinterWren
Senior Member

since 2002-12-01

Posts 1044
...Coming to

6 posted 2003-05-30 12:00 PM

I enjoyed this poem alot, very beautiful!
The repition didn't bother me at all.
I hope everything turns out ok with this girl!

WinterWren
Just because someone doesn't love you the way you want them to, doesn't mean they don't love you with all they have.

PrincessNets
Member

since 2002-10-30

Posts 103
NewYork, USA

7 posted 2003-05-30 01:51 PM

I really like this poem. I think it was very well written. I don't really think that the repition was bad. Sometimes repitition can be annoying, but I think that you used it well and it works. I understand where you are at right now and I know that it kind of bites if your friend doesn't feel the way that you do, but sometimes it is better to be friends in the long run. Anyway, good luck with your friend and I hope things work out for the best either way.

Halcyon
Junior Member

since 2003-04-10

Posts 43
Arizona, USA

8 posted 2003-06-08 01:20 PM

Yeah, well.. what I was first thinking about when writing this was that each stanza, realistically, was the falling of one the petals of a wilting flower, one by one (hence the 5 stanzas). Symbolically though, it's how one's "decision" gradually takes a turn for the worse: from bliss, to hope, to rejection, to inner sorrow, and at last, despair. Probably was thinking too much into it, lol, but glad you all liked it.

I appreciate all your comments, and thanks!

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