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How many words...
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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How many words... |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
A sigh. Worlds of meaning afloat On a soft cloud of air. Trying to comprehend Your words, both spoken And silent. Reaching for answers To questions That shouldn’t be asked. I can see what’s there, Too afraid to believe in it, I slowly destroy it. Feelings nailed to poems. Words failing to communicate What I need to hear. Your touch would be enough, The softness in your eye, The smile in your voice. Feeling, seeing, hearing, What? A monitor is not enough, Words are empty and expressionless. A thousand words can’t tell me What your embrace did that night. And what if the memory fades away To the distance of a dream? A dream as far away as you are, Though you both live near to me. Dancing in my soul. I want to show you day by day How much I truly care. And all I have are words. They say it takes a thousand To paint a smile, So pray how many for a gentle squeeze. How many for each day we spend apart. How many for a flushed cheek, A singing heart. How many til I learn to be quiet, Til I learn to read your silence? When will communication be complete within a single sigh? "Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~ [This message has been edited by ESP (05-27-2003 07:56 PM).] |
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Skyfire 
since 2000-12-27
Posts 3381Riding |
Oooh good, you encourage critiques *grin* nothing big, just something that I noticed that changing might make the poem flow easier  The biggest thing that I noticed was your use of capitals at the beginning of every line. Now, I know it's poetry, and I know that the regular rules of grammer aren't always used, but I find it a bit difficult to read a poem where every line starts off capitalized. Could be just a quirk of mine *grin* I love the way you wrote this. I don't know what it is about this that I love so much, but they way that you worded this just caught me. I'm very impressed, I haven't been caught by a poem like that in a long time. The last two lines were just "wow" to me, I've felt that way a gazillion times but never been able to express it. Very well done, you're another one I'll be keeping an eye out for  |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
Thanks, Skyfire!! As to the capitals, ask Word!! It automatically captitalizes and I didn't argue....ah shud stand up for mah rights n change em all ah suppose!! Interesting you should comment on it...I wonder if, had I written it by hand, it would have been different. I write alot straight onto my computer, just cos I find it easier. Hmmmmmm worth a think...I'll bear it in mind Luv, Liz xxx "Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~ |
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blueyedlioness Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 289USA |
*sigh* ... Sounds like what I want to say to one of my guy *friends* every single day... Awesome. Just... awesome. And hey, maybe I'm just a traditionalist, but I *like* the capitalizing. I always do that... it just doesn't seem right to me otherwise. But yes, okay. -Lioness |
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BrokenDreams Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425In The Clouds |
I like this, although I can't say exactly why...no one part really stands out to me, I guess I just like the whole thing. I feel the same way with a *friend* of mine.*sigh* Nice write. Jen Hey, this just an afterthought, but maybe if you like the guy you could show him this poem...it could be the ice breaker for you to tell him how you really feel. I know that's way easier said than done, but hey, it's a thought. Every oak tree started out as a couple of nuts who stood their |
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ESP Member Elite
since 2000-01-25
Posts 2556Floating gently on a cloud.... |
He knows...we both know...but, well, it's a long story. We don't get to spend much time together is the problem...and words, well, they seem to suffocate the true meaning of what's behind them....that's what I'm getting at in this poem Jen--I have emailed it to him...so we shall see what happens...only it's more like, I'm hoping he'll understand that my words are my best attempt to express it all, but that words don't do the job so well as I wish they could. Hence the silence...maybe I should give up on the words... Can't wait to see him again, I must say...*sigh* Thanks very much for all of your kind replies to this Luv, Liz xxx "Gorge the honey from life, and live through the stomach aches knowing they will pass..." ~Liz Pinard 2003~ [This message has been edited by ESP (05-27-2003 11:10 PM).] |
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lingering thoughts Member
since 2003-05-03
Posts 70Illinois, USA |
that was really good ... I cant relate to it fully at the moment but i have felt this way before ! hope it all goes well for you ! *Cassandra |
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laurie Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 153canada, ontario |
l like... it's so beautifully written, luv... you've done a wonderful job... again, even though l've only read a couple a your works. btw: words aren't empty.. they better not be, anyway, cus they're all l am.. laurie. good luck with him... |
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Song_for_Serenity Member
since 2003-05-28
Posts 97USA |
Hey there! Great poem. It's got an interesting style. Have a spiffy day! I hope to enjoy more of your posts. |
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