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Teen Poetry #6
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Know why
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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Know why |
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Deep_Inside Member
since 2002-02-14
Posts 377i can't stop hiding |
one more whord one more ryme here we go one more time read my problems read my strife go ahead peer into my life look at my brain search for my soule just be careful not to fall in to a hole where darkness is and depression life where you can see my desprite tries look for my hart tell me of it's there and tell me if it's big enough to ask me if i even care look through my eyes become me for a day but then know why i want to get away |
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| © Copyright 2002 Matt - All Rights Reserved | |||
Marshalzu  
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A very interesting read although the two spelling mistakes in the first stanza were quite off putting, anyway keep on writing and thanks for sharing  Andrew |
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clumsy Member
since 2002-10-10
Posts 106canada. |
i like the simplicity of the way you wrote this poem, although the words in it aren't |
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Dopey Dope
Moderator
Member Patricius
since 2000-08-30
Posts 11132San Juan, Puerto Rico |
I thought it was great. Some spelling erros, but I read the poem as if they were intended  Very well done. This message has been brought to you by the letter 'Y' |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Love your critique message. Love it! Well I do have some criticism: Try not to use the overused rhymes, that are time-rhyme, life-strife... life-strife is absolutely notorious, everyone uses it because "life" has to be rhymed so often in poetry. One way to get around these restrictive rhymes controlling the content of your poem, is to try and reword lines so that the ending word is more easily rhymed. I like the simplicity, like everyone else said, and the poem itself is alright... just had to mention that about rhyming though. |
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