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Teen Poetry #6
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The Rain
| Teen Poetry #6 |
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The Rain |
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blueyedlioness Member
since 2003-04-24
Posts 289USA |
My mind is blank I hear the sounds Of raindrops Falling on the ground They hit hard And once bounce back To explode again Each tiny splash Their lives now gone Short as their giver's For clouds will die And run to rivers And as I watch And hear their deaths Sometimes I forget That breath Is a needed part Of being real As the drops Wet on my face I feel I stare out Into the night At how the rain Betrays the lights Just as trust Once betrayed me Squeezed my lungs 'Til I couldn't scream They wonder why I love the rain Because then they Can't see the pain They can't tell They made me cry And they can't hate me For their lies And maybe if I stay right here Don't look So they can't see the tears The rain will take me Where it goes And I can drift As surf and snow And I'll be them Instead of me And I won't have to Remember to breathe |
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| © Copyright 2003 Laura - All Rights Reserved | |||
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devinechild22 Senior Member
since 2002-08-28
Posts 571 |
I think this was very good! I found it very interesting. The title caught my eye because I like the rain also....I really liked how you changed a poem about rain from just describing it into something very different and unique. I really liked it. Keep up your great work and I can`t wait to see more from you in the future! *Allison* [This message has been edited by devinechild22 (05-19-2003 04:36 PM).] |
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FlyingCloud Member
since 2003-04-28
Posts 151A little place inside my head |
I love the rain and I love this poem! Keep up the good work! Always remember to forget The friends that proved untrue. But never forget to remember Those who have stuck by you. -Anon [This message has been edited by FlyingCloud (05-19-2003 05:07 PM).] |
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xxshadowxx Junior Member
since 2003-05-17
Posts 43Texas |
Good poem.. I to also love the rain it's soooo relaxing!!! ~Carrie~ "Hard days made me, hard nights shaped me" |
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HopelessRomanticGuy Member
since 2001-08-17
Posts 495LI, New York |
This is truly a wonderful poem, and a refreshing break from the standard mode of writing. I loved it so much; I don't know what it is, but this poem stood out to me. 'Rich Too strong to give up, to weak to move on.... |
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skyshine 
since 2002-02-07
Posts 3058Beneath the northern stars |
You have a talent...keep it up!  ~Elizabeth Dreams last for so long, even after you're gone... |
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dani Junior Member
since 2003-05-10
Posts 46 |
rain is the most amazing thing it reflects life in strange and unusual ways i love rain and your poem showed rain beautifully how many ways to say i love u... just 1... you make me want to die |
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Fading Away
since 2001-03-14
Posts 3131Lynchburg, Virginia |
*nods* I keep my window open on nights where the sky if littered with raindrops... it is indeed a beautiful sound. Wonderfully written poem... the rhyming was impressive. While I was reading, though, I was thinking about how cool it would be if the poem was also an acrostic, and had another/similar message in the acrostic part of the poem. Maybe that could be your next? Beautiful write! Enjoyed... --Marie "You can be idealistic for all of ten seconds before you die." (Imitation of Life) |
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CwboyAtHeart Senior Member
since 2001-04-14
Posts 541Selah, WA, USA |
Wow... This is great. I love the rain, you can get so much from just standing in it and feeling it falling. This was deep... I'm going to have to read it again. Thanks. - Cody - |
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Local Parasite
since 2001-11-05
Posts 2527Transylconia, Winnipeg |
Okay, this is my favourite of yours now... the meter is almost flawless, in a few places it seems like you left it alone, like the last line, but otherwise it was really good... of course... quote: Favourite lines. Terrific work, Laura... I'm putting this in my private library. Parasite Poets are the unacknowledged legislators of the world. |
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