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ljossberir
Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 81
Ny, USA

0 posted 2003-05-07 05:19 PM

What im doing today
matt keach

today im not going to study hall
I'm going outside, chain smoking
and crunching sticks and dried leaves
benath my feet. And i'll lull into the trance
of watching the future we wait for.

today im pretending that casual conversations
mean something and that muffled acknowledgents
and stupid secrets are the most beautiful thing in the world.

today im wishing car exhaust smelled like paradise
and apologies felt like it.

tonight im hoping one dance lasts eight hours
and one embrace even longer.

tonight im alone. tonight im moving on, pretending
I don't miss you and crossing my fingers that you'll
change your mind and the distance between us will disappear.

for the next few days, i'll be waiting outside, chain
smoking, crushing sticks and dried leaves benath my feet
and i'll lull into the trance of wishing you'd come back...
watching the future i'd wish for.

[This message has been edited by ljossberir (05-07-2003 05:20 PM).]

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

1 posted 2003-05-07 08:30 PM

I really really like this poem... I'm not the type of person that says that for just anyone who writes a decent poem... This is one of my favorite that I've read yet (I've only been here for four days...so...yeah...heh)...great job

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2003-05-07 09:43 PM

Wow... yeah. It's just so... easygoing. It's obvious you're really comfortable with your writing.

I love that...

chasing rain
Senior Member

since 2001-05-15

Posts 737
Canada

3 posted 2003-05-07 10:36 PM

ljossberir-

I really enjoyed the way you just said it like it was. It's funny how even the most random (or not) actions can be the most poetic. The great thing was how it all eventually lead to something more. Often, abstract/random thoughts are usually just stated...never really leading to anything. Not a bad thing though. I tend to enjoy poetry such as this.

Uhm...okay. Blabbering...

Lamely, I have nothing constructive to say. I think what gets to me about this is your honesty. Good job.

Leah

EleanorMoonbaby
Member

since 2002-09-02

Posts 202
England, UK

4 posted 2003-05-08 05:24 PM

This seemed to be built on the theme of denial... I loved how you made all these random actions tie in with the overall theme of the poem. Nice one

Ellie

I'm not dead, OK? I'm just a little electroencephalographically challenged!

Lexy
Senior Member

since 2003-01-28

Posts 1038
California

5 posted 2003-05-08 11:39 PM

loved the 2nd and 3rd stanzas, I loved how you made your normal dality routine sound so..poetic, its cool that you wrote about things ppl. don't usually think to write about. This was a very laid back piece, you seem so comfortable with your writing, like you weren't trying at all, but it came out great.
keep writing!!
~Lexy

ljossberir
Member

since 2003-05-04

Posts 81
Ny, USA

6 posted 2003-05-09 12:11 PM

thank you for your comments! This is definitely one my more light hearted poems and in a different style than I usually write, so im glad to hear it is at least decent. I appreciate all your time and critiques!
-matt

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