Teen Poetry #6 |
One Too Many Hurts - First Poem Post |
PeaceInEverything Junior Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 31Ohio, United States |
One Too Many Hurts ------------------------------ Hurt one to many times my emotions are reciding. Happy on the outside while inside im greiving. One too many spears thrown found their way into my heart. Now my heart is spiked with spears, for the spears never did depart. Everytime my heart leaps in love the spears drive themselves deep. My emotions are near to their end I do not think they will keep. Too many hurts heaped apon my heart. Love will not be able to entreat upon emotions if I lose them but, My heart can not bear the pain of another defeat Maybe sometime my load will be lifted, the spears removed by a gentle touch. Only one thing can I hope, That the spears will not harden my heart too much. ------------------------------ October 8th 2002 Chris |
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© Copyright 2002 Chris Adams - All Rights Reserved | |||
Jenn Cirrincione
since 2000-07-02
Posts 2107Fl |
Great first attempt!! Welcome to PIP. I look forward to watching you write and grow and I hope to see you lurking around more often. Jenn Why is it that we are at our most ingenius only when trying to destroy the things that keep us alive and thriving? |
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Riley
since 2002-07-18
Posts 1038in the pouring rain |
Great first write!!!!! Wellcome to pip....hope to see you around......check us all out!!!!!! Lookin forward to the next read! Ri ~* Love humiliates you, hatered cradles you-White Olender *~ |
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Kodoku New Member
since 2002-10-08
Posts 5 |
Very nice, I think it's good. welcome to Pip. (not that that's saying much, I'm a n00b too) |
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Allysa
since 1999-11-09
Posts 1952In an upside-down garden |
Could it be? An Ohioan? HA! I knew there were more... (yeah, I'm from Ohio too...) Well, WELCOME TO PIP! Great poem, awesome for a first write, but, and this just bothered me a bit, your rhyme scheme in the first stanza seems to be a tad off to me and it takes away from the rest of the poem... See ya around and KEEP WRITING! "You're the center of adrenaline And I'm beginning to understand You could be the best thing about me." -SG |
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PeaceInEverything Junior Member
since 2002-10-06
Posts 31Ohio, United States |
Thanks for all the welcomes Allysa - can you be more specific cause I don't know exactly what ya mean. Chalk it up to lack of experience |
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Marshalzu
since 2001-02-15
Posts 2681Lurking |
A very enjoyable read and a very good write, thank you for sharing it with us Andrew Always and forever |
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