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Poet on Acid
Member

since 2001-01-07

Posts 325
Florida, USA

0 posted 2003-04-30 12:27 PM

I look around
and see birds overhead
I look on the ground
and see them all dead

I see butterflies
with a story to tell
mostly just lies
except the parts about hell

I used to find bliss
in my ignorance
now this abyss
takes my innocence

Thw world flies by
when things stand still
people often die
for a cheap thrill

What would you do
if to live was to die
what would you do
if to smile was to lie

The birds on the ground
were dreams that were killed
Butterflies in the sky
are just little white lies

Ina
Senior Member

since 2000-10-09

Posts 1236
Quebec, Canada

1 posted 2003-04-30 06:58 AM

"What would you do
if to live was to die
what would you do
if to smile was to lie"

The last two poems you've written are amazing. Of thw two I like this one the most.
that quote i chose, means the most in my eyes.
because alot of the time thats how I feel.

Awesome piece

Regina

"Despite all my rage I am still just a rat in a cage, Then someone will say what is lost can never be saved"
-Smashing Pumpkins

blueyedlioness
Member

since 2003-04-24

Posts 289
USA

2 posted 2003-04-30 03:56 PM

Wow... I love the thought behind this one. It's like, instead of just putting down rhyming words, you put down the outline of your thoughts, and then made them rhyme. Totally well done.

Margarita Juanita
New Member

since 2003-04-30

Posts 2
Hickville, USA

3 posted 2003-04-30 04:20 PM

Wow!

This is my favorite part:
The world flies by
when things stand still
people often die
for a cheap thrill

My only suggestion would be to perhaps add a word to the phrase "people often die" and then it would flow better. Excellent work!

fearing-laughter
Senior Member

since 2001-04-24

Posts 605
land of cheese (Wisconsin)

4 posted 2003-05-17 01:06 AM

ooh, i like this one =) my favorite was:

I used to find bliss
in my ignorance
now this abyss
takes my innocence

good stuff, miss ya.
love
bergundy

no one can make you feel inferior, unless you let them.--eleanor roosevelt

blackandwhitehorizon
Member

since 2003-05-05

Posts 183
an akward state of mind

5 posted 2003-05-18 12:09 PM

woah i like this poem so so much.
this is one of my favorites so far...
awesome poem... awesome

"Being grown up isn't half as fun as growing up; these are the best days of our lives"

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