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Teen Poetry #6

Who We Are

OtherSideOfTheMirror
Member

since 2002-12-19

Posts 245

0 posted 2003-04-19 11:15 AM

Who I Am

I am an artist, a singer, a poet
I draw what I see
I sing what I feel
I write what I know
And not only what I do know
But what I have to know
What I yearn to know
And most of all what I wish I'd never learned
I am a recorder of life
Of my own and others
I know what I feel what I hear what I want what I see
I know words, color, and tune
I am but an interpreter of the world
And that is enough.

(the fourth to last line - divide it up... "I know what i feel" "i feel what i hear" "i hear what I want" "i want what i see" "i know what i feel, what i hear, what i want, what i see"... how should i punctuate that if i want it to mean all those things?)

~*cassiopeia*

[This message has been edited by OtherSideOfTheMirror (04-19-2003 11:18 AM).]

SilentTears
Member

since 2003-02-15

Posts 371
Lost and Broken

1 posted 2003-04-19 11:18 AM

Personally...I like the 4th to last line. The way you put it all together like that, I think, gives the poem character. But if you feel it needs fixed, maybe you could try making them all a seperate line?? Either way, excellent poem! You have my vote!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

[This message has been edited by SilentTears (04-19-2003 11:19 AM).]

BrokenDreams
Member

since 2003-02-09

Posts 425
In The Clouds

2 posted 2003-04-19 01:36 PM

I liek this, and I think it would be good if you changed that line somehow, or if you just left i tlike it is. And, sorry, I don't have any suggestions for that line, but I am voting for this.

You are what you make yourself to be.

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