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Teen Poetry #6
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Trouble Breathing
Member
since 2002-11-12
Posts 63


0 posted 2003-04-15 10:55 PM



If I had just one wish,
One last opportunity,
To feel your kiss,
A moment etched in time,
Where everything was perfect,
And there wasn’t a doubt in my mind,
That we could pass this test of time,
Some days are harder than others,
But better than any without you at all,
I’d give you everything you wanted,
And then I’d give you more,
If that’s what it took to show you,
You’re everything I wanted,
With the cherry on top,
I’d take you by the hand,
And show you all you’ve never seen,
Together we can stop the world,
And make this moment last forever,
Because the world that spins without your smile,
Is a world I’m living in denial
Chasing after you,
Mile after mile,
I’ve been thinking about it all the while..
But it’d be worth it just to get lost once more in your smile..

© Copyright 2003 Trouble Breathing - All Rights Reserved
Jeremy Halstead
Senior Member
since 2000-06-01
Posts 569
Morris, Ill. U.S.A
1 posted 2003-04-16 03:53 AM


very cool vibe in this one.  the positive flow didn't let up and neither did the focus on what you wanted to say.  nicely pieced together and it came full circle...really liked it.

J.H.

Curse not upon love, for it is the greatest of great things. Be it not love that curses you....but thy lack thereof. -J.D.H.


BrokenDreams
Member
since 2003-02-09
Posts 425
In The Clouds
2 posted 2003-04-16 12:07 PM


This is really sweet without being "mushy", and it flows really well. Good write.
Jenni

You are what you make yourself to be.

karebear07
Member
since 2003-04-15
Posts 64
Texas
3 posted 2003-04-16 05:16 PM


you must be in love!! that is so kool. I wish you well with the love!!
              -Kara <><

Honey
Member
since 2001-10-09
Posts 92
Hot girl From Canada
4 posted 2003-04-17 12:45 PM


wow i could totally picture myself in so many diffrent places while reading that poem
keep em coming

It Feels As If I've Always Been Someone On The Outside Looking In.

He Who Laughs Last Thinks Slowest!!

SilentTears
Member
since 2003-02-15
Posts 371
Lost and Broken
5 posted 2003-04-19 03:35 PM


You did a wonderful job writing this poem, without making it sound too "cheesy." IT flowed really well. Really nice job!

As I smile at everyone else, I'm dying inside... ~Me

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navwin » Archives » Teen Poetry #6 » The smile seen around the world?

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